Monday, February 23, 2015

What's your fan-ta-ta-sy?

Any time someone talks about the innocence of our youth and how "times sure have changed, look at all these promiscuous things happening around us!" I'm going to remind them of that song ^^^.

Anyway. On to pre-marital polygamy

Hey! First time out of the country!

Well, I guess they did go to New Mexico. 

Really? You can see yourself with Kaitlyn? I mean, I love her - but I don't see her with Chris. 

"Kaitlyn is the kind of person I could see...in my life." Not as my wife. :(

Aww. She's so cute! I don't want him to break her heart tonight. But he's going to. 

He's taking her to the temple! Appropriate, seeing as what's going to happen later on.

Don't care about all these analyzations. Show us the date!

Those monkeys are so cool!!

...the statues of monkeys are not. 

"I was watching the monkeys and thinking - they see what they want, they see the banana and they go and get it." -Kaitlyn. Here comes the metaphor.

Bam.

"It's going to be hard for you to shake that guy." -Her stepdad. come ooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnn

Chris is like, "It's 2 pm. But can we start the fantasy suite now?"

I LOVE HER SKIRT.

Eat! For the love of all that is holy! Eat!

Ooh he says he's falling in love with her too!

The last few seasons that I've seen, I feel like they've been pretty obvious about - we want the fantasy suite, but we aren't going to get down and dirty. Doesn't seem like it's going to be that way.

And the shades are down.

So awkward to go to one date right after the other. I hate these.

Aww he jumps off the boat to her! Can't even go back to the stairs, he's so excited. Or maybe he just wanted to show off.

Would she be hugging him so tight if she knew he just slept with Kaitlyn? :/

Whitney's been tanning!

Wow. Bali is beautiful. 

Geez cameraman get a shot that's not Whitney's butt. 

Get a ponytail baby girl.

I AM SO CONFUSED.....and now editing this, I can't remember why. Was anyone else confused about something on the boat?

I've never seen a girl more confident that she's going to be the fiancée. 

The thumbs up boatman haha

I want to see Chris talk to her about Arlington!!!

Asking her about it, he REALLY wants her to love it. 

"Life takes you places and it's not where you are, it's who you're with." -Whitney. Amen, sister.

Has anyone ever rejected a Fantasy Suite?

That bathwater still better be warm. 

Why would you show a spider?? That's not romantic!!

I'm so thrown with Becca. She's barely seemed interested and I don't see their chemistry. Am I alone here?

A terraced stream! Cool. 

TWO temple dates?

"It would be devastating if my virginity was a dealbreaker for him." -Not planning on sleeping with him.

Is this guy some kind of fortune teller?

"Any advice for our relationship?" -Becca 
"Make love." -fortune teller (?) 
"I like this guy." -Chris. Keep it in your pants, Chris.

"It never ceases to amaze me how excited I am to see Becca." -Chris. Sooooo he doesn't think about her/get excited to see her when they're apart, just when he first sees her? This is why I'm so confused!!

"I'm fearful of putting myself out there, but there's something there that's worth it." -Becca, saying, "Maybe down the road, this will be good." And while they're talking about being in love. And he looks down - not what he wanted to hear.

We should have started a word count on the word virgin. Someone rewind!

"If he's really falling in love with me, it's a possibility it could happen tonight." Really? You'd be ok with your first experience being with a guy who is also with two other women?

"I would have to make sure that I'm REALLY REALLY SURE." This girl has real commitment issues. 

"So we can get to know each other in a whole new way." -Chris. Gag.

He always kisses when he can't say deep things. Red flag on not being able to express his emotions - but that can be worked on. With a lot of patience.

Do they go in and prep these rooms like, right before? Those candles have got to be a fire hazard. Plus, the bathwater!! Is it warm?!?!

It's not a red flag she's never been in love. The fact that she was in a basically platonic relationship for 4 years, and hasn't been in love, is.

He must be so confused with this buildup.

"I'm a virgin." -Becca
"I can help with that." -What Chris is thinking 

"I'm more interested in figuring out if it's going to work." -Chris. Hey! Maybe this night WAS all about them just talking on a deeper level (no cameras = less awkward) and not sleeping together. Yeah. I'm going to tell myself that.

"I've always said I'm waiting for marriage but the reality is, I'm with a guy tonight I have feelings for." -Becca. Waiting for marriage unless my hormones get in the way.

"She has everything a man could want."

We're only an hour fifteen in and he's almost ending the last fantasy suite date. This is going to be the longest rose ceremony ever.

If he's having this many doubts about her at this point - send her home. OR if she's the only one he's so worried about that the rest aren't as important - keep her and work on it.

"Really do want them all to meet my family." Hey, is Chris Harrison around? Can I do that?
This background music is awesome. 

"Never thought I'd be complaining about falling in love with three different women - but this is my life." Get that dirt off your shoulder, Chris.

I bet if Chris Harrison got his Master's in therapy, he'd get a raise. 

"Feel pretty strong about one girl." Duh. 

"If her feelings for me are real, it's only a matter of time before it works out." - Chris. Eeeehhhhh, maybe not. See: her last relationship.

"It's not that cut and dry." (With Becca.) It is though! I feel like, if she was with someone for 4 years, and can say she wasn't in love, she has no problem stringing along a relationship. I mean, she wasn't in it for the sex. After a year or two, shouldn't you figure it out?

"Something with Whitney doesn't feel right yet." -Chris. WHAT???

"When push comes to shove, I'll make a decision and move forward with it." -Chris. Push him, Harrison!

No hugging in the temple? During the breakup??

Oh! He takes her aside so he doesn't put her through the rose ceremony. Nice. Classy.

Hey!! That means Kaitlyn stays another week! I gotta say, I'm surprised she made it this far, but I'm SO excited for her!!

Chat with Becca - maaaaaaaaaaaybe he should have talked first so she didn't pour her soul out.

The emotional trauma of going through this....

This is taking fooorrrrrreeeevvvvvveeeerrrrrr.

Can we fast forward???

I feel like this interview with Kaitlyn is building up to him sending her home instead. That music is foreboding.

I CAN'T TAKE IT WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN

She's back!! Oooohhh I guess pouring out her soul helped.

"If Becca is for Chris, then I am not. She is so young, she lacks life experience..." -Whitney. I actually agree, and it makes sense if that's why she is how she is.

Kaitlyn!!!!!!!! Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!

I'm surprised at how heartbroken I am for her right now.

She already has her walls up.

Whitney's like, "Down to us two? I've got this in the bag."

You can hear the heartbeat

"I don't know if this is the right decision." "I really could see you with my family." This is the worst breakup ever!

She's like, "Where's the limo get me out of here."

Oh, I mean minivan.

Chris's sweat tissue - which was smart 'cause they were all kinds of shiny this week with that humidity. Also, is he crying?

Call her back!!

What do you think? Were you as sad I was that Kaitlyn got sent home? Am I being too harsh on Becca? Is Whitney still the frontrunner? Before you answer - this clip of Chris on Ellen.

Thursday, February 19, 2015

Bachelor - Night 2...late

I know this is like...four days late, but some weeks are like that. And let's be honest, Monday's episode was super boring compared to Sunday's. So we're not really missing out. In fact, if you skip this one, I won't even blame you.

Oh man there's still a full single date from last week! I forgot, since they keep BREAKING UP THE WEEKS!

"Becca tells me she's never been in love. I don't know what to think about that." -Chris. Um, what is there to think? Does it matter?

That is a killer sunset/silhouette kiss shot.

Is Britt bluffing? Seriously leaving?

Oh but not before the rose ceremony. So he can have a chance to fight for her. Obvi. So, basically, she's packing...just like everyone else does...before the ceremony. Drama queen award.

"I'm picturing Chris meeting my family and it would be devastating..................................................if I didn't get that opportunity." Really helpful that she finished that sentence.

"I need to make some really important decisions--" -Chris
"Hey, can I talk to you for a minute?" -Britt. Obviously she cares a lot about what he has to say.

These girls are aces with this analysis with Britt.

"So I as just wondering if you wanted to say anything to me..." -Britt. There's the chance to get him to beg

"There's been girls in the house telling me you're not being honest." Chris! You should have learned not to tattle!

"Was it Carly? Just tell me if it was Carly." -Britt. "Does it matter? Why?!" He's so mad!

They're talking over each other. Nice.

And somehow, he comes out on top! Broke up with her first - boom!!

First time the fake one has been called out by the bachelor himself. (But my memory's not awesome and I haven't watched all the seasons. But it's the first time I can remember.)

Man these girls and their uncontrollable crying! Where is your self-control!

Lol can they really hear her crying?

"I really trusted Carly, I thought we were friends!" -Britt. It's so funny because Carly was always giving Britt looks of like, "Are you kidding me?" I don't think she's ever acted friendly enough towards Britt to make her feel like she's a big trustee. Plus the fact that she thought it was her kinda shows she knew they weren't friends.

And Chris is thanking Carly!

....and sends her home. :( Kinda saw it coming but I'm sad we don't get to see more of her. 

We don't get to see their goodbye chat?? Come on!!

The whole process of this show is hilarious.

Guys, if you ever wonder what a girl is going through post-break-up, watch this. 

Or wait, is that just me??

"Last week the girls got to see where I came from. This week I get to see were they're from." -Chris. A little fill-in for those of you who have never watched the show before.

I swear, if they postpone another rose ceremony...

"What do you think?" -Becca. Of this tiny park? It's where I live! Surprise!

I'm really amazed that she was in a four year relationship and never had sex, AND she's not Mormon.

Has she never taken anyone home? "I don't want you to be intimidated." Umm when you're the first boy she's even brought...good luck with that.

Final 2 - Becca and Whitney. Calling before he meets the families.

AND they never met her ex of four years??? Wow.

Becca's sister, telling the real deal stuff. LISTEN to what their families tell you about these women!!

Love Becca's mom. Don't hold that mother bear back!

Wish I could've seen Chris's reassurances to that.

Awwwwww! A private Ferris wheel ride.

...with the cameraman she's staring at.

Also, is this also the first time they've gone out after seeing family? Chris is breaking all sorts of bounds here.

"What do you say we go make a baby?" -Whitney. AND SHE WINKS!! LOL

"They're making a baby but they're changing in separate rooms? How does that work?" -My husband Chris. (When I stay home he watches with me. And is hilarious.)

Um awkward. Please don't make him "leave a specimen."

"But I'm pretty sure my soules-diers are marching." -Chris. Man.

"I love that about her. Can bust my balls - no pun intended." -Chris. He is just on a roll! And I think he ends up with her.

I can't tell which was worse - that, or Shantel wanting Brad to lay on the mortuary table in Brad and Emily's season.

Decided. Shantel. Because she wasn't kidding.

He is SO SERIOUS about her, asking her who he should ask for permission.

I love Whitney cutting to the chase. Say what you mean!! You go girl! She comes off as hyper-sweet but man she can Get. It. Done.

Please don't open the wine you said you'd only open for your future husband please don't open the wine please-

Oh. She gone and did it.

Wait isn't Kaitlyn from Canada?

Oh, Phoenix is where they winter. "So where does everyone summer?" -Phoebe

Kaitlyn! Didn't she remember the Big n Rich date? At least she knew it she was getting herself into with him singing.

I like her SO MUCH but I really think she can do better than Chris. At least better for her. But what do I know?

That's pretty awesome that ALL the step parents are getting along.

How trippy would it be to watch your ex on the bachelor/ette?

"Every time I'm with him I can just see that I heart him." -Kaitlyn. "I can see that you heart him." -Kaitlyn's mom. Oh, guys. 

Ok - we don't see ANY Chris conversations? This is weird.

Oh she REALLY BIG HEARTs him!!!

She's advancing.

"I didn't get a chance to tell him." -Jade. It actually means "I didn't want to." She had plenty of opportunities.

No out on the town date, straight to the family eh?

She got her daddy's eyes.

Father talk next to the gun cabinet. Nice.

I like their humble home.

Jade's and Becca's families are so straightforward about what these girls are like. Good!

How has she not had time to show him her whole self? I mean if she has walls up, fine, but either you're being yourself or you're not.

When they got in the car it was still light, but they get out and it's dark. How long were they driving?

"Live life by my own rules." -Jade. Red flag for someone looking for a serious relationship.

I wonder what he's expecting with this buildup.

Oh! He doesn't want to see them!

This is so inappropriate. 

HE FINALLY LOOKED AWAY!! When a girl was undressing!!!

...and then watched the video. :(

If I ended up being his fiancée (Whitney) I'd be so mad he watched that. But then, I guess they do know about fantasy suites.

"I don't feel like this would affect our relationship." -Chris. Really??

What are her socks?

At least he sees it WOULD affect his life. EVERYONE could see your wife naked. Aca-awkward. 

The Chris and Whitney scene after the credits - "This just made my whole entire night." Well that's too bad since you just met her family and she pretty much told you she wanted to marry you. haha!

Sunday, February 15, 2015

The One Where I Fall In Love With Carly

I don't know why it's taken me so long to start these posts this season - probably because I thought it was going to be suuuuper boring actually - but now it's so good I can't stop myself. I wish I had done last week's with Ashley I. and Kelsey (!!!) but here were are now, so:

The "Chris Tells All" (quotes because really, he didn't tell us anything but oh well):
Oh, first it's Kelsey, I guess:
"I faked the panic attack," I know this is taken out of context, but she said the words in that order sooooooooooooo.

"Are you condescending?" -Chris H.
"No." -Kelsey. LOL isn't it other people who get to decide that?

"Do you think you're smarter than the other girls?" -Chris H. She waited waaaaaaaaaaay too long to answer. Yes.

"I saw my arms collapse in front of me." -Kelsey. How often do you walk around with your hands up? Oh wait - "I throw my hands up in the air sometimes, saying - oh, idea! Better have a panic attack to get a rose."

High school guidance counselor {does not equal} mental health professional.

This is awesome editing. Kelsey says, "She's an incredible person." Cut to - "She's here (hand down) I'm here (hand up)(in the air again, silly Kelsey)." And, "She needs to go home and play dress up...like she has for the last 24 years." LOL. 

Also, if she's so incredible, why do you want to crucify her?

I want to hire Chris Harrison to be my therapist.

Ok, on to Chris:
Craft (?) services for the crew! I want to be on that crew. That looks ballin'.

"I mean, it could have happened to anyone." -Chris H, on the girl who got wasted. Over-drinking! It could happen to you!

If Chris had said "light bulb" in Gru's voice, I would have given him major points. And forgiven all the misgivings I've had all season.

"I'm not opposed to the small bikini. I am a man." Ooooooh. Just lost all those hypothetical points.

Like I just don't get why people feel this pulling need to tell a sob story before all else, and at such inappropriate times. Is it really just to stick around? 

The "love guru" date was like peer pressure for adults. "We both just didn't know what to do...so we didn't do anything."

And that clip on the date with Becca - I want to see more like that!! GIVE US THE REAL STUFF, BACHELOR!!!

Chris S: The donkey almost took my life.
Chris H.: What a jackass.
That was terrible, Chris.
...and I laughed so hard.

And poor Andi. I didn't watch her season but I liked her a lot. I feel really bad for her.
"Where we get in a fight and neither of us are willing to give in." Hope Andi's future boyfriends aren't watching.

I would NEVER want to get on national TV after a breakup. $$$$$

On to the actual episode!!
What did Chris say to Britt's question??

Megan - oh wow. Easy breakup. Classy of her to go straight in for it. Fearless. I like it.

Carly has so much personality. I love her dress because it's so her. Love Jade's too.

"Why don't you just give her the ring?" - Kaitlyn. LOL

So excited it's Jade. Love her.

You can tell he's totally in his element.

Is that JUST Chris's house? How much money does this guy have??

Calm down, Britt. Not EVERYTHING is about you.

Whitney! I bet he picked the two most likely girls to be ok in a small town to really test them. Top 2?

It may be a ghost town - but if you're close to bigger towns....nope, 3 hours from Des Moines. Yikes. Maybe other smaller towns, closer?

"This episode is not sponsored by the Arlington town council." -Allison (friend I watch it with) hahahah

Anyone else think it's weird when people still cheer on their HS song? Maybe just me because high school was lame? ok moving on...

"This row reserved for The Bachelor." They must have taken the sign down.

Meet the parents! And they're sitting elsewhere so he didn't have to...

Are the girls confined to the hotel? Seriously, why not go outside occasionally??

"When Chris and I were finally alone." -Jade. Honey weren't you alone ALL DAY?

"It's not English, what we're doing, it's more like French..." -Chris. There's that small town boy.

There was nobody in downtown because there were all at the game.

I think it's cute that Jade (I keep wanting to call her Desi?) can say that Cinderella and his HS's game can be her best nights ever.

Whitney: "It's weird to think I could be in a place I might call home." -Not Des Moines. Someone fill her in. Geography is not this season's strong suit.

(PS I really like her. Even with her unique voice. She's really cute, and I like her attitude that flares up occasionally.)

OH MY GOSH. CALM DOWN BRITT.

"Britt thinks this is the bachelorette." -Carly. LOL.

"Let's go to Arlington, like I want to see where I could be living." That's nice dreaming, girls.

Oh. They're serious. Alright, well, go Carly! She has so much spunk.

Kaitlyn just quoted Anchorman!! If I didn't already love her, it would have been the tipping point.

If they saw how rich he was, they might change their minds about this small town.

The same Jesus picture! It's a sign!

Oh it really is. LOL she gets better and better. I'm glad she says "it's a sign I'm on the right path"...not "that I'm going to marry him."

The 50-year-old is wearing a Call of Duty shirt. Awesome. That's your answer ladies - that's what they do in this town. You ready?

Oh, and he's the pastor! Even better!

"There's not a restaurant here." But where will Britt waitress??

Carly is killing me!!! The hand puppet!! The moon!!! SERIOUSLY DYING

SEE!! Whitney's parents story. THAT kind of emotional giving is NORMAL. Sharing at an appropriate time, after you've met some friends, had a few dates. Way to go, Whitney!!!

Got my tight pants, my tight pants on.

Awww a mural!

"This is going to be here, like, forever?" Well, until someone else paints over it.

Jade is telling Carly. And the number one google search of the night is....

I really like seeing more of his small town side.

Come on, Britt. You're wearing a midriff shirt and you KNOW you're going ice skating!!! Chris, analyze this situation. Is she going to be ok on a farm?? NO.

The skating interview between Carly and Kaitlyn - LOL. Love them!

Carly's tattling was the best I've ever seen. You go, girl!

Ok, Chris you can ask her again - but she's going to lie again.

"What does a hometown date with you look like?" -Chris
"We're going to eat on our hometowns." -Britt. (Loose interpretation.) Which must have been a relief since they don't eat on their dates they go on now.

"I like to reinvent myself." -Britt. Red flag! "She's a runner." -Allison. Yep.

"Was there ever a there's no way moment?" -Chris. Oooooh smart! Such a better call - out than last week, and he didn't accuse Carly. Fast learner.

I hate seeing Kaitlyn so insecure. She's just too awesome.

Ummmm...Britt's death stare.

DID SHE SERIOUSLY ROLL HER EYES AT HIM??? She gets me so worked up.

Ohhhhh. Manipulative Britt!! At her finest.

"I don't want to make YOU feel bad." -Britt to Kaitlyn. Nope, just Chris.

This needs to be a one-on-one conversation. So awkward, and putting Chris in a terrible position.

She can't let anyone else be happy in front of her or she flips out. Second time tonight she's interrupted a good moment for someone else to make it all about her.

Ok, telling him you might want to go home right now? In front of the other girls? Don't play like that, girl. If you liked him enough, you'd be past that. Or maybe if she was classy? I can't tell.

You can tell she's so used to throwing a tantrum and then getting what she wants - I don't think she even realizes that she's being a brat, it's just innate. Plus, she keeps talking about her daddy this and father that - maybe she's a daddy's girl? And he's the one who gives her anything?


Ok well that's all the judging I have time for tonight. But do you think Jade's past will have a bearing on Chris's feelings toward her?? Very excited we don't have to wait another week! See you tomorrow!