Monday, February 10, 2014

This week was kinda boring.

It was a rougher afternoon with Ariana today, (Can you hit the terrible twos at 15 months?) so if this post is a little snarkier than usual - forgive me.

*Does Juan get to ride in that fancy small airplane just to have his musings coming into the island? That's exclusive.

*Ooooh it looks like the girls are starting to figure him out and - dare I say - find faults in him?!?!

*"Getting the first date in NZ is crucial." -Clare. And then she goes to pick up the date card - I don't think anyone's gotten the date that's read the card.

*Yay! A date for Andi!

*Oooh single mom chat. NEWSFLASH: "There's more on the line 'cause we have kids."

*OH does he send someone home on the group date???

*Speaking of going home, I hope Clare sends herself home. She said she didn't mean to disrespect his daughter, and maybe she doesn't think whatever they did was disrespectful, but you have to realize - when someone has a kid, EVERYTHING you do affects that child. If she doesn't realize that, she needs to, quick, if they're going to keep this relationship going.

*This is pretty early in the season for everyone to be so high strung. Is it all the emotion with Clare (And maybe that Sharleen seems kinda undertone-dramatic) rubbing off on everyone?

*I'm pretty jealous they're all in New Zealand though.

*JP Is pretty intent on all the trust dates - also, how does leading her through a rock canyon mean she trusts him? It's not like he controls the rocks.

*Oh my gosh - it looks way too cold to go swimming. Isn't she wearing a coat?

*A one-piece? On Bachelor??

*Uh oh - what if the cameraman's equipment doesn't fit through the rock valleys they're wading through?

*"It feels good to be taken care of." -Andi (the lawyer). It seems like, sometimes, the most independent girls are the ones who like being taken care of the most.

*Commercial thought - Do chocolate diamonds look like poo to anyone else? Or is it just me? How can two such amazing things be combined to look awful?

*"I think dinner is gonna bow her mind." -JP. Is dinner a geyser? (Get it? 'Cause they keep talking about the volcanoes and geysers, and geysers blow....ok if you have to explain the joke Rosanne it's not funny...)

*"Great love is supposed to be easy and fun, like this." -Andi. Not always, sister. It's so hard not to want to slap them with a dose of reality every episode.

*To me, it seems like Juan Pablo needs to be the provider, he's pretty focused on making sure everyone's okay and happy and all that - but he still seems...needy? Somehow? Or something. I can't figure out what it is. Thoughts?

*"It's so weird to be standing next to a geyser because our chemistry is bursting through as well."

*Dude. This Ogo stuff looks legit. I want in.

*They put mikes and cameras in the balls. LOL. What if they get wet?

*Oh. Are waterproof cameras a thing now?? Welcome to 2014, Rosanne.

*The One In Which I Talk Back To Myself.

*Another commercial thought - did you see the preview for Non-Stop? With Liam Neeson? It didn't take Hollywood long after the clearance of cell phone use on a plane to make a movie about how it could all go wrong.

*Whoa, Sharleen is a LOTR geek. NEVER would have guessed.

*No but seriously. Does he get tired of having the same conversation over and over again?

*"At this point, if you go home, it's personal." Was it not personal before?

*To start the conversation, "How do you think I'm feeling right now?" Seriously? You're going to make him play the guessing game with nothing to go off of? Sharleen is so weird.

*"I think you're feeling a little scared, but great." -Juan Pablo. "That's pretty on." -Sharleen. Well, it wasn't too much of a stretch to guess, considering he has the same conversation 50 times a week.

*"It's hard to meet such a good dad..." I'm sure he is, but maybe you should see how he parents his child to make a judgment call? Anyone can talk about parenting and loving their kid.

*Renee is so giving, wanting Cassandra to get the rose just 'cause she feels like she needs it. She is quality.

*Uh oh. Is he going to send Cassandra home on her birthday???

*I wonder if there's a car at every date, just in case he sends someone home?

*Classy exit, girlfriend. You'll find your man. But Juan Pablo definitely wasn't him.

*OK this isn't THAT big of a breakup, let's cool it with the dramatic music guys.

*Oh - did you guys see the season's obligatory cat? It was in the background of the hobbitses house.

*Juan Pablo is always telling them, "Don't feel sad." "Don't feel disappointed." "Don't be scared." I feel like that could be a red flag. He's only comfortable with the happy emotions, and the way he acts in those situations seems like he can't handle when things are bad. I don't know. That's just me but it doesn't seem good. Let people feel what they want to feel.

*"There's a difference between honesty and hurting someone's feelings." -Clare on their conversation last week. What did he say to hurt your feelings? I guess we didn't see their whole conversation but if just telling you he didn't want to disrespect his daughter hurt your feelings - you've gotta resolve that sister.

*Another part of the red flag - he doesn't want her to cry in front of him. That'd be a real problem in marriage.

*"Just don't make me sad." -Clare. Hahahaha. (Though I will admit that happy wife = happy life.)

*"I don't like conflict." -Clare. They'll make a horrible couple.

*He gave you sweats, he didn't tell you to take off your shirt.

*UGH Clare is the WORST!

*"There's gonna be a cocktail party." -Chris Harrison. Always here for a laugh, Chris.

*"I kinda like you a lot." "Really? Why?" "Because I do." *smooch smooch smooch* These are the conversations that lead to marriage, people. Pay attention.

*I'm waiting for the day the last rose is handed out and the girl left over freaks out. "NO! I will NOT say my goodbyes! You're all B******!!! You're a jerk! This is bul****!" You get the gist.

*Is Sharleen's earring....antlers??

*"It's a marathon, not a sprint." Or, as the great Ice Cube once said, and how I opened a talk in sacrament meeting one time, "Life ain't a track meet, it's a marathon."

I'm starting to get a little bored. The only girls I really like are Renee and Andi, and I'm starting to think they're too good for Juan Pablo. I don't know, he is just seeming more...shallow to me. Maybe? Something's putting me off of him. I guess we'll see what happens next week. I bet Sharleen sends herself home.


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  2. Combining diamonds and chocolates is like two really attractive people making a baby... It's either going to be a Greek god, or the ugliest thing you've ever seen... Most times it's the ugly version...

  3. I don't watch the Bachelor and this is still one of the most fantastic things I've ever read. It's hard to pick a favorite part, but it might have to be "how does leading her through a rock canyon mean she trusts him? It's not like he controls the rocks." XD LOL!

  4. I'm getting bored too. I hope he picks Andi or Renee and that Clare learns how to get her thoughts out quicker. The way she talks bugs me. This all made me laugh!