Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Two weeks left. We can do this.

Alright. Let's see how this all unravels.

*IS Clare going to have her happy ending?

*Someday I want my mundane sentences to be followed with flowery music.

*"I don't know if the Fantasy Suite is for me..." -Clare. LOL. Let's see how that works out. Bet I can guess it.

*"Tonight is a great night to figure out how I feel about Clare." -JP. Is it the first night he's thought about this?

*"We'll get to know each other better tonight...a lot better..." -JP. I feel like he should have added an exaggerated "wink wink" at the end of that.

*"If things work out between us, is it weird that I want to meet Camila?" -Clare. Ummmm.....his daughter??? No that's not - oh his ex? Is her name Camila too? Ok I hope so. Even still - no it's not weird that you want to meet your boyfriend's daughter's mom. But I thought she meant his daughter for a minute.

*"This is week 9..." -JP talking about how it's okay that they have an overnight now and not setting a bad example. So it's okay in week 9 but not week 4? Ok.

*"Like, I really, really, really want to make sure we're on the same page." -Clare. "We are." -JP. What page is that? Because you all just talked a of of circles around each other. I still have no idea what you're talking about.

*Clare has the pouty little girl face down to a T.

*"This is crazy. We started out in a hot tub, and now [we're in another hot tub]." -Clare. WHOA. NO KIDDING.

*This date is really anti-climactic with Andi, because we all know it's ending. So this music and buildup is doing nothing for me.

*I love that she's so real about the whole situation.

*Of course he thinks it all went well if he was just talking about himself.

*Why not break up with him immediately instead of waiting until the rose ceremony?

*"The last couple of days have been hard..." -Andi. I'm sure it's difficult being stuck on a tropical island for a couple extra days. Score!

*Wow. This breakup is crazy matter of fact. And no crushing background music.

*The quote of "You barely made it here" was taken waaaayyyyy out of context. As per usual, editors.

*It's funny that she doesn't want him to say "okay." LOL.

*He doesn't mean that a little argument kills it, right? Just that her specific unhappiness killed it? I feel like there's a lot getting lost in translation

*How awkward that it's just Nikki and Clare left.

*"It's the Women Tell All like you've never seen it before." Oh Chris. You say that every season.

Well that was fun. I guess.

This had better be GOOD!

This week's title brought to you by Yzma from The Emperor's New Groove.

*What is making Nikki say JP is a cowboy?

*"Kansas City." "My hometown." "Kansas City is my hometown." "My Hometown is Kansas City." "Kansas City."

*Uhhhh KC is NOT this cowboy-ish, for any confused viewers.

*The BBQ is exquisite though.

*"My family's opinion means everything to me." I love when they say that, and still refuse to listen when their family tells them to back off.

*Holy Nice House Nikki's parents.

*"Worried about my dad because he's logical." .... That's right girlfriend. Don't let something as silly as "logic" get in the way of your Eternal Happiness.

*She's about to tell him she loves him, and he says........"You're cute. Very cute." I feel awkward.

*"There's definitely something going on between the two of us." -JP. Phew! We got that cleared up.

*"I cannot bring him home to meet my family if he doesn't hit a bulls-eye." -Andi. I'd LOVE to see her follow through on this.

*"Andi came out very relaxed after shooting those guns." -JP. Now he'll know where she'll go in the relationship when she gets pissed at him and leaves.

*"I'm looking at two people who may be a little infatuated with each other." -Andi's dad. Add 23 people to that and you have the entire essence of this show.

*I can't believe it's such a big deal that some parents have a hard time with this situation. How is it not this way in EVERY family?

*I think Andi's mom wanted to dance with JP, not watch her daughter dance with him.

*"JP and I do best when we are having fun." -Andi. That's perfect because that's all real life is - FUN!!!

*"Andi's dad's perspective is that first, I find somebody that I connect with, and then see if she fit into my life with Camila." -JP. Is that not how it is? I mean, it'd be counteractive to find a good stepmom for Camila that you hate, because then you're back where you started with her biological mom. (Except she wasn't a step mom.)

*"I can't sit here and concern myself with the idea that might not work out." -Andi. That's at least a good perspective. But a bummer since odds are it won't.

*Does the show travel with a background for the one-on-one interviews, even when they're at hometowns? So fancy.

*I love that JP takes the moms so seriously.

*"When I get home I'm literally just going to eat my son." -Renee. I get it girl. I eat my babies all the time. (No seriously. Ariana has a biting problem because of it. Whoops....)

*Awww. I just love Renee.

*"My parents have been dead on on every relationship I've ever been in." I wonder how they'll react to Juan Pablo.

**OK at this point in the show, Chris got home and our deal is he gets the computer to watch Netflix while I indulge myself in Bachelor. Then I had to feed McKenna sooo the rest of this is scattered and not very comprehensive. And I could be remembering things wrong.**

*Clare's teeth are fake, right?

*Does anyone understand what's happening with Clare and her sister? I'm sooooo lost. All I noticed was that Clare is suddenly pissed and I think I missed why.

*JP is way more invested in this interaction/goodnight scene with Clare than he was with Andi.

*OH I forget they got roses this week. I'm suddenly nervous!!

*Did NOT see Renee going home. But I'm glad she is. She's way too good for him

*Post-show scene notes - When the bird eats their lunch - You guys weren't going to eat that food anyway. We all know it's for show.

I hardly care about what happens next. My brother (I'll save him by not telling you which brother, and saying I'm sure he's not a religious watcher of the show) mentioned that they only talk in platitudes, or feel-good phrases that sound good for a moment but really mean nothing. And that is true for THIS ENTIRE SEASON!! I literally know nothing more about JP right now than I did on the first episode. Isn't that a little silly? I'll watch tonight to find out what the big drama is all about, and probably Women Tell All but I honestly couldn't care less who he ends up with now, since the preview made it look pretty certain that it's not going to be Andi.

Monday, February 24, 2014

It won't be like this for long

There is a Darius Rucker song called, "It Won't Be Like This For Long." I think I've only heard the song a handful of times, and the only line I really remember is the 7-word title, but maaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnn. If it doesn't have the best message.

Aside from Rucker's fantastic voice and heartfelt emotion that make the song what it is, the lyrics themselves are so beautiful and honest. He outlines parts of a child's life and the importance of cherishing the moments that may drive you crazy because they will all be over soon. I hear this advice over and over again from people who have been where I am, so I figure it must be worth something, right? But the exact phrasing Rucker came up with hits me hard. I love the idea of appreciating the moments as they come. Ariana is so much like me that I only have myself to blame for her explosive personality that may make me crazy sometimes. I try and think of the good that will come of her hard-headed, strong-willed, beautiful heart, and I know that still, my dreams for her could barely scratch the surface of all that she can accomplish. I am still getting to know McKenna (and Ariana, for that matter), but the same goes for her. I am so blessed to live a life where I can watch them grow, and enjoying the hard times along with the good are crucial to that journey.

That's why I love this song so much. To me, it says to cherish the good moments, because they'll be gone before I know it. But it ALSO says that the bad moments won't last as long as I think, either. How true that is. Through the countless struggles I have faced, many of which seemed like they would never, ever end - somehow, here I am on the other side of them. What's that? I'm still here?! It's a miracle! It is the perfect saying, for the hard times and good, because none of it is here to stay. I remember once hearing someone say, "You need to do _______ for 15 minutes? Just do it! You can do anything for 15 minutes!" I think of that in other situations, with the time frame varying. It's not necessarily true in any situation - you can't hold your breath for 15 minutes - but I just like the idea that everything you dread doing will eventually pass. As surely as my other trials have come and gone, so will the days that somehow seem endless.

And surely as the good things have all come to pass, always too quickly, so will the mornings of a daughter resting her head on my shoulder while we watch TV, with no hesitation whatsoever, as if to say, "Mommy, I'm so comfortable with you. You may as well just be a part of me."

It's a truly beautiful life, and I'm so lucky to live it, and to have this perspective now.

Because it really won't be like this for long.

I want to display this saying somewhere prominently in my home, but I haven't found "the perfect" way to do it yet. Any (P)interesting ideas? (seewhatIdidthere?)

Monday, February 17, 2014


*"A shocking exit that leaves everyone blindsided!" Everyone except the viewers you've been teasingwith the trailers on this for weeks now

*Wow hometowns are already next week? That was fast

*Juan Pablo's chat with his friend reminds me of the time Brad brought on his therapist. Y'all remember that?

*"I just don't know if we have this....cerebral connection....that I need." -Sharleen. (Hereon: Shar)

*Shar likes intelligent, nerdy guys? Preeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetty sure that's not Juan Pablo. At all.

*That iPhone pic of Juan Pablo and Shar on the boat highlights the overwhelming difference between your own work vs. lighting and perfect cameras.

*"Do I seem uptight?" -Shar "Today, not that tight. (LOL) But other days, very tight." -Juan Pablo

*"He's not my usual type, but I can;t deny that chemistry we have." -Shar. You mean you can have chemistry with someone who isn't your "type"? Shocking.

*"When we kiss, everything in my mind just disappears." -Shar. Her mind must be blank a lot 'cause pretty much all they do is make out.

*"I need to find a mental connection with him tonight." -Shar. If it ain't there yet honey, it ain't coming at all.

*They wouldn't be showing the clips of him saying she's getting a hometown if she wasn't leaving.

*"I wish I was dumber so I could just be like 'duurrrr...'" -Shar. Translated: "I'm too d*** smart."

*Wow, it's pretty bold of Juan Pablo to take Nikki to his daughter's recital.

*I think I missed something. Was the woman at the recital with the super done-up hair Juan Pablo's ex??

*Why is he staying in a hotel when they're in HIS hometown?

*Wow. For being so smitten with her, he's taking this breakup remarkably well.

*"These girls getting roses are the ones doubting. That means they're not here for the right reasons." -Clare. So is the right reason jumping into a relationship and having no doubts after two real dates with the guy?

*Group date: ....



*......That show Resurrection looks interesting.....


*Seriously. So bored during this date.

*"I'm not gonna sit here and be fake though. LOL." -Clare.

*That whole cocktail party was a waste of time. Did we seriously need a full minute of the two girls sitting there in silence? That's a LOT of time in TV world.

*"She peed on him first." No idea how that hasn't made ANY of the previews so far. They should have been showing us that from day one, making us wonder why women are peeing on Juan Pablo.

*If I were in control of editing, this show would be WAY better.

*It's not even about Juan Pablo anymore.

*Renee should at least be confident at every rose ceremony. If he wanted to send her home, he'd do it beforehand, I'd think.

*Chris didn't come to announce the final rose!! WTF BACHELOR WHY ARE YOU SCREWING WITH US?!?!?!?

*Maybe the standoff (sitoff?) between Clare and Nikki needed those 10 seconds instead.

*Ok - does anyone else remember the preview of a girl saying "He has emotional highs and lows, and that could be a problem." ???? Maybe it comes in the hometowns, I just thought I saw it happen within the house, but now they won't all be together anymore, so who knows.

*She shouldn't be the one consoling him when he's the one breaking up with her.

*I wonder if in the fantasy suites they all find out he slept with Clare? Is the jury still out on that? Either way, hopefully next week will be more worthwhile because I'm gonna be straight, that was a painfully wasted two hours that I will never get back, and I got a little downhearted when I saw that there will be two nights of this next week. Here's the thing, Bachelor producers. When you spend the whole show showcasing drama and making us watch them all make out, there's no investment in any actual relationship happening. Don't you profess to have this show in search of "true love?" We all know that's a bit silly, considering...you're the Bachelor, but at least attempt to make it look like there are real relationships developing.

Alright. Am I right? Is everything just out of control weird and boring? Or am I just off sync with this...entire season?

Thursday, February 13, 2014

On the "marrying too young" belief

There's all these posts about marriage going around, and since I don't have my usual litany of friends to discuss these with - oh wait, you're right here! How quaint.

The main article I wanted to say something about can be found here and if you didn't read it, the author talks about how necessary it is to find yourself before you get married, and also don't do it too young. She thinks the biggest reason people get married young is insecurity, and says that, in all the young marriages she sees happening, what links them together is inexperience in all sorts of categories of life. So instead of dealing with having to experience things by themselves, they cop-out by getting married - she thinks it's their security blanket.

I won't waste time arguing her closed-minded opinion that the only way to "live life" is to travel or start a band or make a couple cakes and then eat them or start a business or cut your hair (all these were on her list of things to do instead of get married before 23). But come on. Give me a break.

But here's the thing - and I don't mean to fight this girl in particular, but to spread light on the whole idea that marriage is so restricting - you can do everything she lists* while simultaneously being married. I know. It's a lot to take in. Let it simmer.

Marriage means that you've found someone you want to have these adventures with, as well as watching each other change. Because even if you wait until you think you have figured out who you are, I promise that you will change. If not fundamentally, then there will still be some pretty major shifts in your life that your partner will have to put up with. It doesn't happen on a timeline - you think you know who you are, so does your husband, so *poof* you get married and you are the key ones who have it figured out, you lucky dogs you.

People change over the whole course of their lives, so putting up with that change, and changing yourself, is a key part to staying married. It doesn't matter how old you were, it matters how much you're willing to work to stay committed. And no matter what stage you get married in, it takes a lot of work. Commitment doesn't always come easy. Watching your partner become something you didn't think they would be can be difficult. The question is, are you willing to stick with it? Or is the cost too much? I can't imagine any couple, madly in love on their wedding day, imagines themselves getting divorced - but so many do. Many of these people have "found themselves." Many haven't. It's not the common denominator for all the breakups. There isn't one. Even if you're committed to staying together, maybe your partner isn't. Or a plethora of other problems.

All I'm saying is that to blame someone for marrying young shows such a lack of understanding. It's ok to get married if you haven't crossed an ocean yet, or eaten a whole jar of Nutella in one sitting. Marriage doesn't confine you; if done right, it can release you and set you free. Being tied to someone doesn't make you tied down. It is so fulfilling to have someone love you unconditionally, and you can accomplish so much with a constant cheerleader by your side. And if that's not your journey, that's fine. But there's no need to knock down the other team if they are following their passions and doing good in the world.

And as a postscript, her listed item, "Get a tattoo. It's more permanent than a marriage" makes me so sad. I was bred to believe that marriage lasts forever, and I will stick with that until the day I die. I realize what she said is a common belief, and I think that's awful. It doesn't have to be that way, sister. It can be so much more.

*excluding the two about dating/making out with other people

Monday, February 10, 2014

This week was kinda boring.

It was a rougher afternoon with Ariana today, (Can you hit the terrible twos at 15 months?) so if this post is a little snarkier than usual - forgive me.

*Does Juan get to ride in that fancy small airplane just to have his musings coming into the island? That's exclusive.

*Ooooh it looks like the girls are starting to figure him out and - dare I say - find faults in him?!?!

*"Getting the first date in NZ is crucial." -Clare. And then she goes to pick up the date card - I don't think anyone's gotten the date that's read the card.

*Yay! A date for Andi!

*Oooh single mom chat. NEWSFLASH: "There's more on the line 'cause we have kids."

*OH does he send someone home on the group date???

*Speaking of going home, I hope Clare sends herself home. She said she didn't mean to disrespect his daughter, and maybe she doesn't think whatever they did was disrespectful, but you have to realize - when someone has a kid, EVERYTHING you do affects that child. If she doesn't realize that, she needs to, quick, if they're going to keep this relationship going.

*This is pretty early in the season for everyone to be so high strung. Is it all the emotion with Clare (And maybe that Sharleen seems kinda undertone-dramatic) rubbing off on everyone?

*I'm pretty jealous they're all in New Zealand though.

*JP Is pretty intent on all the trust dates - also, how does leading her through a rock canyon mean she trusts him? It's not like he controls the rocks.

*Oh my gosh - it looks way too cold to go swimming. Isn't she wearing a coat?

*A one-piece? On Bachelor??

*Uh oh - what if the cameraman's equipment doesn't fit through the rock valleys they're wading through?

*"It feels good to be taken care of." -Andi (the lawyer). It seems like, sometimes, the most independent girls are the ones who like being taken care of the most.

*Commercial thought - Do chocolate diamonds look like poo to anyone else? Or is it just me? How can two such amazing things be combined to look awful?

*"I think dinner is gonna bow her mind." -JP. Is dinner a geyser? (Get it? 'Cause they keep talking about the volcanoes and geysers, and geysers blow....ok if you have to explain the joke Rosanne it's not funny...)

*"Great love is supposed to be easy and fun, like this." -Andi. Not always, sister. It's so hard not to want to slap them with a dose of reality every episode.

*To me, it seems like Juan Pablo needs to be the provider, he's pretty focused on making sure everyone's okay and happy and all that - but he still seems...needy? Somehow? Or something. I can't figure out what it is. Thoughts?

*"It's so weird to be standing next to a geyser because our chemistry is bursting through as well."

*Dude. This Ogo stuff looks legit. I want in.

*They put mikes and cameras in the balls. LOL. What if they get wet?

*Oh. Are waterproof cameras a thing now?? Welcome to 2014, Rosanne.

*The One In Which I Talk Back To Myself.

*Another commercial thought - did you see the preview for Non-Stop? With Liam Neeson? It didn't take Hollywood long after the clearance of cell phone use on a plane to make a movie about how it could all go wrong.

*Whoa, Sharleen is a LOTR geek. NEVER would have guessed.

*No but seriously. Does he get tired of having the same conversation over and over again?

*"At this point, if you go home, it's personal." Was it not personal before?

*To start the conversation, "How do you think I'm feeling right now?" Seriously? You're going to make him play the guessing game with nothing to go off of? Sharleen is so weird.

*"I think you're feeling a little scared, but great." -Juan Pablo. "That's pretty on." -Sharleen. Well, it wasn't too much of a stretch to guess, considering he has the same conversation 50 times a week.

*"It's hard to meet such a good dad..." I'm sure he is, but maybe you should see how he parents his child to make a judgment call? Anyone can talk about parenting and loving their kid.

*Renee is so giving, wanting Cassandra to get the rose just 'cause she feels like she needs it. She is quality.

*Uh oh. Is he going to send Cassandra home on her birthday???

*I wonder if there's a car at every date, just in case he sends someone home?

*Classy exit, girlfriend. You'll find your man. But Juan Pablo definitely wasn't him.

*OK this isn't THAT big of a breakup, let's cool it with the dramatic music guys.

*Oh - did you guys see the season's obligatory cat? It was in the background of the hobbitses house.

*Juan Pablo is always telling them, "Don't feel sad." "Don't feel disappointed." "Don't be scared." I feel like that could be a red flag. He's only comfortable with the happy emotions, and the way he acts in those situations seems like he can't handle when things are bad. I don't know. That's just me but it doesn't seem good. Let people feel what they want to feel.

*"There's a difference between honesty and hurting someone's feelings." -Clare on their conversation last week. What did he say to hurt your feelings? I guess we didn't see their whole conversation but if just telling you he didn't want to disrespect his daughter hurt your feelings - you've gotta resolve that sister.

*Another part of the red flag - he doesn't want her to cry in front of him. That'd be a real problem in marriage.

*"Just don't make me sad." -Clare. Hahahaha. (Though I will admit that happy wife = happy life.)

*"I don't like conflict." -Clare. They'll make a horrible couple.

*He gave you sweats, he didn't tell you to take off your shirt.

*UGH Clare is the WORST!

*"There's gonna be a cocktail party." -Chris Harrison. Always here for a laugh, Chris.

*"I kinda like you a lot." "Really? Why?" "Because I do." *smooch smooch smooch* These are the conversations that lead to marriage, people. Pay attention.

*I'm waiting for the day the last rose is handed out and the girl left over freaks out. "NO! I will NOT say my goodbyes! You're all B******!!! You're a jerk! This is bul****!" You get the gist.

*Is Sharleen's earring....antlers??

*"It's a marathon, not a sprint." Or, as the great Ice Cube once said, and how I opened a talk in sacrament meeting one time, "Life ain't a track meet, it's a marathon."

I'm starting to get a little bored. The only girls I really like are Renee and Andi, and I'm starting to think they're too good for Juan Pablo. I don't know, he is just seeming more...shallow to me. Maybe? Something's putting me off of him. I guess we'll see what happens next week. I bet Sharleen sends herself home.

Monday, February 3, 2014

"I just wanted to go for a swim."

*I want one of those bowl boats!!

*How foreboding that “I want to make sure I’m making right decisions” on the week something obviously happens.

*I’m realizing most of these girls are younger than I am. Weird.

*“Going around the world with Juan Pablo - it’s kinda like where in the world is Carmen San Diego.” Except that you know where he is, the whole time.

*“In 20 years from now, I want to remember every single detail”….unless he dumps you. Then that’s a bummer. Maybe forget about that part.

*Anyone else’s TV showing a weird border during commercials with roses saying the bachelor will return?

*A nice tailor made Vietnamese dress? Cool! (I’m being serious, though it sounded sarcastic.)

**measuring her bust size* “86???” - Juan Pablo. Hahahahahaha. He’s definitely a man.

**shot of the sleeping puppy* It’s usually stray cats that they film - maybe this will be dog season?

*Is it just me or does chemistry seem to be lacking? I’m kinda distracted so I’m not as attuned but I hope it heats up tonight. He just doesn’t seem interested. And that would be sad.

*Renee reminds me of Jennifer Aniston

*I’ve decided that they eat on these 1-on-1s while the producers pull them out for interviews during dinner.

*“I want a one-on-one every day, twice on Sunday” lol

*Is it just me or did they not show much of this date iwht Renee? If it’s cut short because of Clare drama I’ll be mad!

*“Today we’re going to do traditional Vietnamese things.” -Juan Pablo. Like working in a sweatshop? What? Who said that??? 

*I’d be pissed if he was making out in front of me too

*It’s funny that they all think this is like, an impromptu visit to some random place to stop for dinner. “And they have the exact number of hats as there are girls! Weird!”

*I’m sad Andi’s so anxious, and then when she said she was nervous to relinquish control I remembered she was the lawyer.

*I think he just likes that Clareq puts out

*He took her to a suite and is going to just go swimming? Are you kidding me??

*SO not impressed with Juan Pablo right now.

*“I need to believe that he sees me as a panda in a room full of brown bears.” What?

*LOL Chris says, “The brown bears would rip that panda to pieces!” hahahaha

*This is the weirdest group date I’ve ever seen. Why is he spending so much 1-on-1 time with everyone? Does the way he’s doing it seem weird to everyone else?

*“You know, like, when a baby giraffe is born?” HAHA. Yep. See it all the time.

*OK they DID have sex in the ocean??? COME ON.

*I lost so much respect for him this episode.

*“Oh. That’s a…nice view.” In a high voice. Clearly not okay with it.

*Jeez. What is with Nikki and pooping her pants?

*Did JP just tell Nikki he didn’t sleep well last night?? Hmmm….

*Them riding up on the boat – it’s like Miss America

*Renee is obsessed with her first kiss

*Clare’s little toast – “Finding love, being loved, and making love.”

*“Sharleen - she’s totally different than everyone else.” Sharleen would love to hear that.

*How can JP be SO respectful of Renee and no kissing, but can have sex with Clare in the ocean? I don’t get it.

*…I was just going to ask if he just didn’t like her, but that kiss….he definitely is into her. That was romantic as heck.

*Here we go.

*JP and Clare's entire relationship is physical. 100%. That’s it.

*This whole conversation with JP and Clare is like a bad soap opera.

*“I just wanted to go on a swim in the ocean.” That’s why you went to his door at 4 in the morning. “Just a swim.”

*Do you think Chris Harrison has someone who writes his speeches for him? That'd be a sweet job.

*If I were on this show, I feel like I’d want to be in Danielle’s shoes. Just awesome enough to make it far enough to see some of the world, but not so close that you are emotionally involved and therefore, less likely to make a fool of yourself on national television.

*Crying to let people go? Yikes.

*Still mad that he had sex with Clare. “I don’t want to make mistakes.” Please.

*Why is Sharleen crying??

Well. I guess we’ll see if Clare - and apparently Sharleen - can get over themselves next week. I hope not. They can both go home.