I've never presumed to understand the works of God, or why we go through the things we do. Truly, His ways are mysterious to me. When I encounter a trial, I am the perfect example of what not to do. I lament, "Why me?" and get angry and swear and think all sorts of naughty thoughts that I am never proud of later on, but feel fully justified on at the time.
But in taking care of Ariana, I am starting to understand more about why God maybe does the things He does. For example: Ariana has been teething, and when she'd start crying because her teeth hurt, I'd try to rub a numbing gel on her to make it feel better. And she hated that. It already hurt, why would I touch it and make it worse? (After a while the rubbing helps too, just initially it's super painful.) Or when I'd give her Tylenol - I know that what she really wanted was to nurse and be comforted, but I knew that once the Tylenol kicked in, she would be so much happier. She just couldn't understand it. She wanted what she wanted, now.
And I get it. I'm the same way with God. How often am I going through things that God is allowing to happen for the exact same reason? Though it killed me to see her hurting so badly, I knew that what I was doing was what was going to make her the most comfortable and happy in the long run. Literally everything I do for that child is to make her happy. That's all I want, is a happy baby.
Listen, I know that having the attitude I did wasn't exactly healthy. I know it's not fair to call out God on things we don't like, but sometimes, a girl goes through so much that she's just gotta say, "What the hell??" But I'm finally starting to understand. I don't believe that God necessarily puts trials in our lives on purpose. While that may be the case sometimes, I think that we simply live in a fallen world and that He is there to walk alongside us and catch us when we fall. I didn't give Ariana teething, it simply happens, and I am there to take care of her. I feel like I'm finally understanding what it's like.
And I love it.