Friday, December 6, 2013

The goodbyes are starting

In anticipation of our move, I'm thinking more and more of all the things I'm going to miss about Provo. I have lived here for over 8 years now and called it home for at least 4 of those years (it takes a while to warm up to), and ever since it's been in sight that Chris will probably find a job elsewhere, I'd think about all the things I'd miss about this place as I'd run errands and just be around town. Now, I'm starting to think about all the people I still have to say goodbye to.

I had to say my first to my OBGYN this week. It wasn't emotional or anything, but we both knew it was our last visit so it was almost awkward - how do you say bye to someone with whom you only have a professional relationship, but has seen you through some of the most emotional times of your life? It may sound weird to count your doctor as a significant person to have to leave, but he is one of the first doctors I've had and stuck with for a long time. He saw me through the beginning of my first hell pregnancy, all the way through Ariana's, and now for this baby, and has done 3 surgeries on me. Altogether it's over a year and a half of seeing him about once a month. As I drove up to his office, which is connected to the hospital, I got nostalgic over giving birth to Ariana there, and sad that I'd be in a whole new, unfamiliar place with this baby. I felt bad leaving in the middle of a pregnancy, too, like I was betraying him, even though it's really not under my control.

See how weird all my emotions are? This is what happens when you leave home. You start to be thinking all crazy.

Anyway, I'm excited to end the school phase of everything, but if even a goodbye to a doctor is this thought-provoking...well, it's going to be a rough few weeks.

Monday, June 10, 2013

First big road trip

At the end of this week we're going back to my hometown to visit my sisters! I haven't been back home (Missouri) since our wedding almost 4 years ago, so I'm pretty excited. However, this will be our first big road trip with the babe, and I'm apprehensive. We make a stop halfway and drive 8-9 hours a day, so even broken up it will be a big drive. Any advice that's worked for any of you with big road trips?

Our ward started a dessert night and I'm excited about it. We always had dessert night in our single's wards, and I looked forward to every Sunday night to mingle and get to know people better, and especially to flirt with all the boys I had crushes on. ;)  NOW, I get to flirt with my favorite boy every time with no worries of competition or rejection, and eat all the dessert I want! I'm also excited to get to know people in my ward better and just hang out with friends. I'd say it's working out pretty well. Have I mentioned my love for food?

Friday, May 31, 2013

Don't worry I'm just ranting

I'm going to rant for a second. You're probably going to think I'm crazy for a minute.

There was an experience I had a while ago where I was holding Ariana and we were playing, very happy, and someone turned to us and said, "Oh, I think she needs some play time with me!" (Something along those lines) and held out their hands, just a little. Well, at the moment, I wasn't ready to give her up, because sometimes I like to play with her too! I was also worried about sick germs being passed on. I said something noncommittal and hoped it would pass. But this person persisted, and said, "I think she needs convincing," and held out their hands until they were a couple inches away from Ariana. We were in a situation where it would have been rudely distracting for me to say no or explain that now was not a good time (sacrament meeting, anyone?), so I reluctantly handed her over.

Listen, if you want to hold my baby, I get it. She's adorable. And there is just something about holding babies that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. And most of the time, I don't have a problem with it.



Sometimes I want to hold her too! You think she's cute? She is! I know! I helped make her!

Or maybe I'm worried about germs because having a sick baby sucks!

Or maybe I'm feeling a little clingy!

Or maybe SHE'S feeling a little clingy!

There could be a thousand other reasons, but what I'm saying is this - a baby is not public property. Thank you for being considerate and asking, but for some reason, since it's not ok to tell people "no" who don't ask and just think it's a given at anytime (if it is - let me know a tactful way to do it), if I'm very obviously holding back when you've already made it clear that you want some play time, back off. Don't keep asking.

It's not your decision. It's not a given. Respect our space, forthelove.

Anyone else have this problem?

*Yes, I realize this post makes me sound like an insane helicopter mom. I'm not. This happens maybe 2% of the time. Ninety-eight percent of the time, I'm fine and dandy and of COURSE you can play with her! But, Lord help me on those other 2%...

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

What to do?

The thing is, the bulk of this blog was used as an outlet for my cancer(ous?) thoughts. Sure, I wrote a little before and after, but not as much of it has had the meaning of the cancer posts. And while now I look back at those and cringe at the awful writing that I'll blame on chemo brain (it's a thing, and it was WAY worse than pregnancy-brain, or even mom-brain so far), and because it hardly encompassed a third of what happened and a fourth of what I felt - because it was the only real outlet I felt I had, I still treasure those posts and think of them when I know I want to write more. Shouldn't all my posts be that funny? (Even though they really weren't.) That insightful? (Same.) That meaningful? But now, life isn't quite as dramatic as it was then, much as Ariana tries to convince me otherwise.

So I guess what I'm saying is that I want to write, but now I'm not sure how to pick up and still be interesting in my mundane life. Would anyone be interested in my random musings? I'm finding Facebook less and less appealing to use as an outlet for my thoughts, and mostly use it for pictures or to catch up with others, but not so much to catch up with me. I feel like most of the things I have to say can't be said in a quick status update, or I don't want to discuss the topics with people I haven't talked with in a very long time but who would want their opinions heard on my wall.

But I also don't want to JUST talk about all the silly things Chris and I do as a silly married couple in our silly lives. I want to talk about things that are just more personal and meaningful. Plus, who really cares what we ate for dinner last night?

Maybe I am just craving more adult interaction :)

I think what I'm getting at is this - I want a kind of fresh start to writing, but haven't been sure how to segway in. I think starting a new blog would be silly - it's still me writing, isn't it? What would I be changing? I don't know, it's just been hard to think about writing about mundane things after so many significant things have been said.

They say that in order to be a good writer, you have to read a lot and write a lot. I eventually want to write a book about my cancer story, even if it's just for me and my childrens. I even have a rough rough rough draft. But recently, a dear friend of mine told me, out of the blue, how she thinks I could really make a great memoir, how she loves my writing style, etc etc. And since it's something I already want to do, it really propelled my interest. She was so nice about it too! I don't think she knows how much what she said meant to me - it was so uplifting - but now, I want to write more. For everything.

I want more discussion too - is there a better platform than a blog for that, but that's more personal than Facebook? I don't necessarily care to force my opinions on everyone's newsfeed. I like that people specifically come here to read and comment. It seems more interesting that way.

Final thoughts - I want more interaction. And writing. And laughing. And sharing. Hopefully you'll be seeing more of me. And I you.

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

But they still haven't found what they're looking for

You know how you can go to your Blogger stats page, then to traffic sources, then the "search keywords" section, and see what people are searching for in Google to find your blog?

I just had one that said they were searching for the term "naughty rozzy," and clicked on my blog.


Good luck with that, y'all. Definitely not here though!

EDIT: I just saw that in my "I get God more now" post, I used the word "naughty." The missing link has been found! A far cry from what they were thinking, I'm sure.

Friday, April 12, 2013

So bored. And loving it.

It's only 10:10, and truthfully, I should be in bed, but Ariana only went down an hour ago, and Chris is going to be gone all day tomorrow, so this could be my only freedom time for about 24 more hours and I just want to veg out to TV and write a blog post, or maybe organize my pictures on the computer, or, you know, something else wild and crazy. I know. Try to keep up.

Chris takes his licensing exam for civil engineering tomorrow and it is a DOOZY! From what I understand, it is designed for one specific kind of engineer that encompasses the other kinds - so basically, everybody fails except for that one. And then even them sometimes. But they take that into consideration, so that's not even the worst part. The worst part is that it is 8 - yes, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, hours long, with a one hour lunch break! That's a full day! It starts at 8 AM and it's in Salt Lake (an hour away) and he has to be checked in by 7:15.

So basically, his life sucks tomorrow.

But here! Look at my cute baby! These are a couple months late but, you know. Take what you can get.

Call us mean, but this is funny

And this is adorable.

She likes to look like she's teasing you

Can't get enough of grandma's firewhisky!

Helping in the kitchen!
So at least Chris will have that to come home to!

Friday, March 29, 2013

I get God more now

I've never presumed to understand the works of God, or why we go through the things we do. Truly, His ways are mysterious to me. When I encounter a trial, I am the perfect example of what not to do. I lament, "Why me?" and get angry and swear and think all sorts of naughty thoughts that I am never proud of later on, but feel fully justified on at the time.

But in taking care of Ariana, I am starting to understand more about why God maybe does the things He does. For example: Ariana has been teething, and when she'd start crying because her teeth hurt, I'd try to rub a numbing gel on her to make it feel better. And she hated that. It already hurt, why would I touch it and make it worse? (After a while the rubbing helps too, just initially it's super painful.) Or when I'd give her Tylenol - I know that what she really wanted was to nurse and be comforted, but I knew that once the Tylenol kicked in, she would be so much happier. She just couldn't understand it. She wanted what she wanted, now.

And I get it. I'm the same way with God. How often am I going through things that God is allowing to happen for the exact same reason? Though it killed me to see her hurting so badly, I knew that what I was doing was what was going to make her the most comfortable and happy in the long run. Literally everything I do for that child is to make her happy. That's all I want, is a happy baby.

Listen, I know that having the attitude I did wasn't exactly healthy. I know it's not fair to call out God on things we don't like, but sometimes, a girl goes through so much that she's just gotta say, "What the hell??" But I'm finally starting to understand. I don't believe that God necessarily puts trials in our lives on purpose. While that may be the case sometimes, I think that we simply live in a fallen world and that He is there to walk alongside us and catch us when we fall. I didn't give Ariana teething, it simply happens, and I am there to take care of her. I feel like I'm finally understanding what it's like.

And I love it.

Monday, January 21, 2013


Hey, remember how I stopped blogging 'cause I had a baby?

Here's that baby! Ariana Bick:

(If we're friends on Facebook, there's nothing here that's not on there. This is mostly for friends who don't have FB and live far away.)

Sleeping together in the hospital. It's blurry but I
love it soooo much.

She's been giving us stinkeyes since day one.

Still in the hospital

Us kissing is apparently not her favorite 

Still hates kissing. Haha!

"I can't hold my head up all on my own!
It's too heavy!"

Fishing with daddy!!! She got one!
(still in the hospital)

She's so spiritual

Our diploma to get cheap burritos

nom nom nom

Mimicking faces

This one is a favorite

Christmas day

One of her early smiles (She looks like she has
more hair in person. She kinda looks like an
old man here. It's cool.)

Kinda looks like an evil smile, but a smile nonetheless.
So. There you go.