Sunday, October 7, 2012

Why do we hate on the men?

I have recently noticed a trend online that is driving me crazy. I have seen lots of pictures and comments, mostly on Pinterest, about how men are somehow less capable than women. It especially attacks men on the home front (husbands, dads). These pictures and ecards make me angry, and I think it's because they degrade one of our most valuable relationships - our spouses. It is also a double standard. When someone questions our ability as women to work/raise a family/do all the things!, we are up in arms, saying, "We can do it! We can be perfect at EVERYTHING! Suck it men!" Seriously, this is what we do:

Tell it, Rosie!
We don't tolerate it. Which is great! We are justified in standing up for ourselves. We are not helpless, we are by no means the weaker sex, but I also believe there is no "weaker sex." Men and women were created equal, and I believe we can each do things the other sex does. This applies to men, as well as women. Why do we fight for gender equality, but turn around to undermine a man in his fatherly and household abilities?

Why do we think this sexism is ok? I'll share some examples.

Let me first say that each of these examples comes from Pinterest, and you can infer whatever you wish from what that implies. (That this information comes from a website run 99% by women, that it's not a representation of ALL women, etc. Whatever. It still bothers me that this exists.)

These first three are just about men in general, undermining them as a whole. There seems to be nothing good about them, no redeeming qualities. Unless of course, they are fictional. Because no good man can exist in real life.
Also, if these are all the problems you have...
Well done. You win life.

There ARE lots of great fictional male
characters. There's also a lot of crappy ones.
But they can't compare to a real man who
takes you to dinner and brings you

These, I can understand a little bit, because I was single for a good amount of time and dated my fair share of idiots. But I would not call these exes of mine "men" - they were little boys, unable to make decisions, contribute anything useful to you, society or even themselves. They are not without hope, but they cannot fairly be called "men." There is a difference.

I think these next ones annoy me the most.

This first one annoys me the most.
Seriously? We think we are so almighty
that we must take care of them completely?
I think this refers to the little boys I was
talking about, as well as a tendency some
have when they want everything to go their
 own way. Which is impossible in marriage.

Why do we assume a husband can't
know where things are?

Why the husband hating? Don't we all fall short in some aspects of our marriages? Why do we assume that we are the Queens of Everything in the House and men can in no way measure up? I won't add to the sexism by stating things that men generally do better than women, so can we just agree that there are uneven playing fields in every aspect of our lives?

This one annoys me simply because it suggests that women have to literally drag a man into being married. And then we complain about it? Come on.

I hate this. I hate that we undermine our men, who, in so many cases, are trying to be good husbands and fathers. And if they want to try even harder, I'm sure all we have to do is ask. Maybe ask and ask and ask, but nobody can remember everything someone wants you to do better after one time. We all have things to work on. What are we gaining by putting these men down? Why do we get defensive when they question our strength as women, and feel no shame when we do the same to them?

I will be the first to say that I am blessed with a ridiculously awesome husband. Seriously. His goodness cannot be overstated, especially in regards to me. He actively tries to make our relationship better. He is understanding when I ask him for compromise and change. I know I have to speak up, because he's no mind reader. And maybe I have just been listening to too much Boyz II Men. (Haha just kidding. That's not possible.) I know that not all men are like this, and there are some really crappy guys who just don't care. But if that's the case - why are you complaining about his faults (when we all have plenty) instead of DOING something about it? If you are unhappy in your relationship, it is your job to change it. I get that we all have our moods, and it's easy - and maybe sometimes necessary - to vent about particularly bad situations. But if this is ongoing behavior, do something to change it! There is nothing to be gained by spreading about rude comments.

Maybe I'm being overly sensitive. It's just that I see these attitudes too often (on a dumb website, no less) to just blow it over. But I am amazed that this seems to be a pervasive attitude amongst many women.

I hope that we can work to be better examples of buoying up the men in our lives instead of tearing them down. I hope we can see that this attitude affects them, as well as any children who may be looking up to you to learn how to treat the men in their lives. Let's make an effort to better ourselves before we look down on the things others aren't doing perfectly, and be more patient when all isn't as you planned.

I've been working on this post for a while, and during my mental putting-it-together, my friend wrote one like it a few weeks ago. Check it out!


  1. oh roseanne. i love this post so much. nothing makes me want to fight more than man-hating. it's so hypocritical.