Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Why I'm not ever ever ever ever allowed to ever watch another scary movie, ever

Sorry about the split infinitive. It had to be done.

This post could also be called, "Here, Internet and Friends! Learn More About My Ridiculousness!"

The happy pictures are so I
can still be happy while
reading this
I have a rule that I'm not allowed to watch scary movies. It's right up there with, "don't do for yourself something someone else can do for you if it's already cheaper and better." The one time I broke that, I made homemade Twix. Come on, Rosanne. You knew better. Anyway, the reason I broke the scary movie rule was because it starred Daniel Radcliffe. And despite what others may say, I think he's actually turned out to be a pretty decent actor, plus I have my unhealthy obsession with Harry Potter. So you see why I couldn't pass it up. Plus, it didn't look THAT scary!

Big mistake.

(And just FYI, the rest of this post will contain spoilers for The Woman In Black.)

To me, anything that makes a scary movie so is when its plot can somehow be justified or explained, no matter how far-fetched. I'll be creeped out by any kind of demon-like figure (never will I ever watch the Walking Dead because of this. Duh) or "scary" sound, even when I know it's some intern banging on the pipes. Sometimes, it's ok when I can justify a way out the the plot and see how it could never happen, but that's kinda rare. I finally stop being scared when I have a concrete, logical reason for why the movie could never be real. Ever.

Not so with The Woman In Black. Ugh, I can't even say the words without being super freaked out that she's standing behind me. (At this point in writing the post, I had to stop. It was 12:30 AM, Chris was asleep and I was alone with my thoughts...in the dark. They could no longer include scary things. It is now noon and bright outside. I'm good.) That movie was creeeeeeppyyy! The basis started out ok - Daniel had to go to the Big Scary House - though he didn't know it was scary yet - and make sure the will his company had was her last and real will. NBD. He left his son behind with his nanny (his wife had died in childbirth) and off he goes. Once he's there, he meets animosity and resistance from the townspeople, and soon learns that it's because of the woman in black. She's the old homeowner's sister, and she had a baby out of wedlock so her sister adopted him to save face. Well, one day their carriage got stuck in the marshes and the child died, and so the real mother killed herself. She now haunts the village and makes the children kill themselves. I'm not sh*tting you. The movie is about a ghost that makes children - CHILDREN - commit suicide!
Cute Labrador Puppies Wallpaper 3
Cute puppies!

What the hell were you thinking, Hollywood?!? Can you make a creepier plotline? I thought it was just a haunted story, not a sadistic one! And the movie doesn't even end on a happy note! Daniel does all he can - he thinks reuniting them will end her terror, but then, she goes off and makes his own son jump in front of a train! The end! (Daniel jumps too, to try and save him, and they both die. Awesome. It DOES show them reuniting with his wife, which is like the only good part of the whole thing.)

Ok, so I knew it was going to be scary, but I hadn't heard that it was THAT scary so I thought I'd be ok. But then, for the next three nights, I couldn't sleep. I can't remember what, but something took it briefly off my mind for a day or two, and then for two-plus weeks, I was afraid of the dark because I thought she was lurking in every corner. I checked the baby's room, even though it's not even set up yet - because I was afraid she'd hide there, waiting for my baby come so she could make her kill herself. (I know I'm a little child but writing that makes me want to cry.) I'd check the living room, then close all the doors - she didn't go through any doors in the movie. HA! I'd show her! And then I'd curl up in bed and browse Pinterest humor boards until I was tired enough to go to sleep. It got scary when I'd have to get up to pee, but I had a good flashlight until I could turn on the lights, so it at least got me through that.

Repeat. Every night.

Here are the rational thoughts I'd already tried on my own as to why it could never work:

  • The "She can't go through doors thing" (she could still be elsewhere, ready to spring at any moment)
  • Telling myself that Daniel's selfless sacrifice in trying to save his son at the end of the movie broke the curse (no proof)
  • Keeping lights on as much as possible (she's still out there)
  • Remembering that babies can't kill themselves (she'd find a way)
  • "It's fiction and she couldn't exist" (could too!)
  • God wouldn't let it happen (God lets a lot of unfair things happen)
All to no avail. She was still lurking in the house somewhere, the little b*tch.

Happy couple!
Sometimes, Chris would wake up briefly, and I'd say something really quick about being scared, but once he's asleep, he's pretty out of it until morning. So finally, a couple nights ago, I made sure we went to bed early enough that I could talk about my fear and somehow rationally get through it.

I needed to talk through it with Chris, no matter how ridiculous I sounded. This rationalization was getting me nowhere, and it was getting me exhausted.

He knew I'd been scared, so I recapped my fears and coping methods and tried other approaches. We talked through what happened - and suddenly, I had a breakthrough.

I believe we can feel spiritual influences from beyond, good and bad. I'm not sure if I believe that people can see ghosts randomly, or that might have worked - but I think we can at least feel presences. I ALSO believe that God gave us the freedom to choose what we can and cannot do with our lives, and nobody not NOBODY can take that away. Well, *duh* Rosanne! Even if she DID exist, she can't make you or your baby or anyone do JACK SH*T! You get to decide what you do with your life, not some made up ghost out for revenge. That is one thing I'm sure of that God would never take away.

Yay no more sadness!
Why didn't I think of this before? Something about talking through it with Chris brought this all to light. And I felt a lot more peace about it. And finally, I was not scared.

...

After three weeks! Jeez, Rosanne, really?

This is why I can never ever ever ever ever watch....

You get the point.

(The happy pictures are so that when I read this again, it's easier to think happy thoughts.)


(Images:
http://franklinmcquaid.com/smile/
http://onpuppies.com/cute-labrador-puppies-wallpaper.html
http://www.fastcompany.com/1756861/happiness-gratitude-generosity-sincerity
Anyone know how to source these in a less annoying way?)

6 comments:

  1. Besides it is really just dumb Hollywood, going to another level to freak us out. They need to change it up, to make it something we haven't seen before. But it sounds like something that would have upset me as well. I hate scary movies also.

    No one can make you think things you don't want to, or do things we don't want to. A ghost can't control you. Besides you can control evil by commanding it to leave.

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  2. Besides it is really just dumb Hollywood, going to another level to freak us out. They need to change it up, to make it something we haven't seen before. But it sounds like something that would have upset me as well. I hate scary movies also.

    No one can make you think things you don't want to, or do things we don't want to. A ghost can't control you. Besides you can control evil by commanding it to leave.

    ReplyDelete
  3. HAHAHA. You are too funny. But believe me, I am the exact same way. When I watched White Noise, where he talks to the other side by static and what not, it totally freaked me out forever. And I've only watched like 3 scary movies since and that was almost 12 years ago! I always freak myself out. I sleep on the outside of the bed, and Srun sleeps next to the wall, and if I freak myself out enough, I make him switch spots with me because I think someone is hiding down the hallway and is going to grab me if I have my back to the end of the bed. (remember, we dont have rooms so I'm not saved by a door or a wall). Anyways, not to freak you out again, but I completely understand.

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  4. I'm the same.. I NEVER watch scary movies or put myself in a situation that can make me scared, or let in unwanted thoughts, think of anything like that. I guess I'm just super sensitive to that kind of stuff and stay as far away from it as I can. Not that I believe in ghosts, I just know that if you let any kind of that stuff in, it is just a way satan can get to you! AHH I hate scary movies! haha Come over and lets watch a chick flick!

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  5. Amen. I'm the EXACT same way. I have to talk myself out of why scary movies can't be real. Something else that helps me is making up a blooper reel in my head of the movie and the actors laughing hysterically at the super scary parts.

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  6. You crack me up! And I can totally relate to your "never, ever, ever, watching a scary movie again" commitment because, no joke, it's been almost 7 years since I last watched a scary movie! I hate scary movies and I just simply won't watch them. As a matter of fact, there was one time that Ben watched one while he was away and he called me before he was going to bed and he seriously wanted to tell me about the movie!!! And I'm like "heck no!!! sorry it freaked you out, but don't go freaking me out right before bed!" I know, it was a little mean of me, but hey, I got a good night's sleep :-)

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