These realizations obviously didn't come in a day, and even after I'd realized some of it, it didn't make me like it any more. It didn't mean I wanted to be that curvy
But what I want to share is something that happened in the recent present. I was with a friend of mine who is in fabulous shape, even after having a child. I've always been jealous of how skinny she is, wishing I had the endurance to work out hard enough to be that small. I've always envied my stick-skinny friends, wishing I could be that girl. No matter who tells me I'm beautiful, no matter how many times, I can try to believe them - until I see that girl who is tiny and beautiful. Especially if it's effortless. And I get sad.
I don't get it entirely, either, because I can look at my curvy friends and see their beauty - so why not my own?
However, recently I've had some things happen that have helped my shifting focus speed up a little bit.
First, there's a site called Busty Girl Comics that truly made my week when my friend KJ told me about it. If you've ever had issues getting along with your breasts, A cup or DD, then this comic is for you! I was up for a very long time reading and laughing my way through it. I LOVE that the author makes somewhat light of a truly annoying situation - the curves on our body that really give us grief. And it made me feel not so alone in being shaped the way I am.
The other thing helping my image is being pregnant. And I've been showing a lot earlier than most women, and it's getting to me. Really. Part of me feels like, "It's ok because your body is going to round out and be awful for the next 16+ months, so just get used to it," and I'm trying to embrace that part of it. The other part of me is thinking, "Come on, fatty. Work out. Throwing up isn't THAT bad, plus it makes you lose more calories." (The second one is a lie. Throwing up is always sucky.)
Then I talked to this awesome woman I know and she reminded me, "You have to remember that this is basically your second pregnancy." And she's right. I didn't carry to term last time, but I DID have my abdomen sliced open less than a year ago and a quarter of my uterus is now gone because of it. I can't expect to be tiny in these conditions. Or show as late as everyone else. It is what it is. My body is different, for this and other reasons.
Ok, so these led up to some time well spent with the aforementioned very-skinny friend, and for the first time since I've known her, I looked at her body and appreciated its beauty, and...didn't envy her for it. I didn't want it. I appreciated what I had. And was glad for her to look so smokin', but I realized that it wasn't me. I was smokin' in my own way. I had a different bone structure and a different metabolism, and that's ok.
That is literally the first time in my life that's happened to me. To look at someone hotter than me, and not be envious.
I'm 25, folks.
It's nowhere near totally confident, but it's a start.
And now I look back to that day and think, "Man, I wish I was that skinny." And so the cycle continues.
Do any of you have these "Aha!" moments? I'd love to hear them and gain more perspective.