Guys, I can't even tell you how much I love Emily Maynard. It's unhealthy, and the closest I've come to a "celebrity" obsession since the Backstreet Boys. And I'm not ashamed. She is classy, fiery, open, honest, fierce, kind, beautiful, and pretty much my idol. I'll stop obsessing now, but at least you understand how emotionally invested I am in this season.
*"How you get so high?" Hope she's not still saying that in 7 years.
*Honey, everyone watching this episode knows your story. I hope this doesn't come up 17 more times during the season.
*"I found out I was pregnant and I couldn't have been happier." Betcha you could have been happier if the father was alive.
*I wonder if Brad is watching.
*I wonder if Brad will show up.
*Ah, we're bringing out the helicopters early this season, I see.
*The men have so much more personality than the women. Let's tally the random objects seen on night #1:
-Giant egg (Ostrich?)
-A dirty plastic "glass" slipper
-Spoiler Alert! Boom Box.
*Commercial comment on the Duets - How many singing/talent reality shows can we produce? Where are the trombone talent shows? Or the glass-blowing competition reality shows?
*Let's play count the fake plants. At least 15 on the front porch. Also - where did they find a house like this in Charlotte??
*Cheesy pickup line - check. Only took 10 minutes.
*Why does it show them all working out? And do they really all own dogs?
*LOL @ singer/songwriter.
*"Songwriting comes naturally, it's like walking for me." Yeah, it'd come naturally to anyone whose only lyrics are, "Emily! Emily! Emily! Emily! Emily!"
*Brain damaged contestant? Check.
*Salt Lake City resident? Check.
-He actually seems normal. Hurrah!
*Really, ABC? A racecar driver? I guess not EVERYONE knows Emily's story.
*Emily is freaking gorgeous.
*LOVE her dress!
*I know ABC chose her to sell to viewers, but they're almost pitching it like a family-friendly show with all this kid/parenting stuff.
*Why is tonight's show only an hour and a half? Isn't it usually like 3 for the first episode?
*I wonder how many times we'll see that circular skyscraper in Charlotte. It seems to have more character than I would have thought.
*Ah! A model! With that schnoz?
*He's retarded, so it's cool.
*Aww, she doesn't know Brazilians don't speak Spanish.
*Is this the Bachelor's first black contestant?
*Oh no, not a stereo. If Brad is watching, he's cringing, bad.
*Cross dresser? Check.
*"So cute" about Randy. I agree.
*Nametags are such a good idea. I don't know why they don't always wear them the first couple dates.
*Why do they call you "Wolf" is my first question.
*Alright - the egg gets explained.
*"[What you said in Spanish] better be nice!" -Emily. Here's the spitfire we've heard about.
*"If a guy comes out of that..." What else is going to come out, a tractor? "...then it's over." Ok. I'd like to see you walk out on night one. Over something retarded.
*"We hate him already." Alright, ladies. Calm down. (Sorry for being sexist.)
*She's going to be so conscientious about how they're feeling, being on the other side and everyone gets jealous - like she HATED watching Brad woo all these other girls. I wonder if that will affect their physical relationships.
*PS - I wonder what they'll do instead of Fantasy Suites, because she wouldn't even sleep with Brad on his FS - she's way too classy to sleep with 4 different men. Or if they'll just make it clear there's no hanky-panky going on.
*Bobble-head barbies. Nice.
*He's just swingin' with the egg. NBD.
*Finally! Utah (Jef) seems super normal!
*"I think Jef's cool, and I hope he thinks I'm cool too." -Emily. Holy flashback to middle school.
*Ok Kalon. You're bad news. Red flag #1: "I'm used to people being hostile towards me."
*I bet when they're lining up for the rose ceremony, she's back there reviewing names.
*Your heart was broken after one night? Bummer.
*Quote/moment of the night, and ironically, it was the last. The model as he takes off his shirt: "I guess this is what she's missing out on."