Tuesday, May 29, 2012


I usually try to post immediately after the show, but ABC was a dick this week and changed the time of the show - with no warning! Usually, I'd have looked it up beforehand, but it was a busy (fun!!) day, so I got a text at 7:50 with the sad news that ABC pulled a fast one on America. Did anyone else turn on their TV with half the show gone already? If so, I guess it's ok I'm posting late, since we all missed it.

*Holy cow! Look at her bed! And her room! She's ballin'.


*Chris has such sharp features - he looks like a villain.

*"We're climbing something." -Chris. Probably the building that the ropes just slid down.

*"I don't think anyone could wear that harness better than she's wearing it." -Chris. Harnesses don't look good anyone.

*"Love is a climb, and we're starting at the bottom." -Chris. Oh man. STOP with the metaphors!

*The lightning storm is kinda beautiful in the background.

*"I want a man to stay by my side, and Chris passed the test." -Emily. Where was he going to go??!

*I think it's amazing that she has confidence issues. She's fabulous, and she just doesn't see it.

*He's 25. You're 26. Not that big a difference. Also, everyone in the world knows you're a package deal.

*"Let's play. Emily." "What do you think that means?" -A Contestant. Hahahahahahaha.

*I'm so jealous of that storm!!!!

*Second country concert, third episode.

*"Can I give you a kiss at the end of this song?" -Chris. Dislike.

*What does Jef use to style his hair?!???

*It's gonna get wild. -wolf

*Ryan telling her he wouldn't love on her if she got fat? Man, he does not get women.

*Did she play with the kids at all?

*Sean is shiny!

*Doug! That is heartbreaking!!

*Ryan is being manipulative! Asking about Tony's son....

*The music is killing me.

*"You can drive a stick shift?" -Kalon. Are you sh*tting me right now?!?!?

*Awww. Sweet pep talk, Doug.

*On her other breakups she's been straightforward, and now she's trying to spare his feelings and being so sweet. But did she ever come out and say, "You need to go home?"

*Ryan, you have no real connection. So far your relationship with Emily is all about you. And her not getting fat. So I guess we'll see.

*I like how Arie is just about "let's see if there's a connection." And he's just excited about the date, and getting to know Emily.

*Everyone's going on and on about how CUTE Arie is, and I guess he's alright, but I don't really see it. His hair is beautiful, though. I'd kill for that hair.

*Six months ago I would have killed for ANY hair.

*Man, she's taking him to Dollywood - she is NOT shy! Just lay all your quirks bare, babe. I don't get why people say she has no personality. She's got personality coming out of her every orifice.

*"I didn't think Dolly Parton would be into [having a theme park]." -Arie. Maybe not, but I bet her bank account is. And her agent.

*"We need to win something for Ricki." -Arie. Awwww! He's going far.

*"He might have a little country in him." -Emily. Girl, he's a racecar driver. He is ALL country!

*Dolly's guitar is blingin'! You go girl!

*Third country concert, third episode.

*I'm no pervert, but I canNOT take my eyes off Dolly's boobs!!! They're hypnotizing!

*Forehead kiss!?!! *melt*

*I hear that a lot, that in dating a single mom/dad, the other person misses the kids more than they miss their ex. I guess kids are a pretty big deal.

*I don't think you can ever be "ready" for kids, you just have to be willing. Oh, did Arie just say that? We're on the same page. I'm liking him more and more.

*He's asking hard questions too! I like him!!

*This is the first real, genuine, relaxed conversation I've seen on this season. Possibly on the show, ever.

*She's going to make him sweat over this rose. She wants him bad; she's totally messing.



*Arie: Turning on women across America!

*My neck is still shivering from that touch. That happened months ago, hundreds of miles away.

*"Where did you come from?" -Emily. I like that he didn't say something cheesy, or ask her back, or say something douche-y. So many of the other guys would have. He just cuddled her more and kissed her. He is fabulous!!!! (Brought up by Rebekah H. and agreed on by the rest of us.) Love love love him. I'm pleasantly surprised, I figured since everyone had such high expectations for him, that he'd crash and burn.

*No socks. Douche. (On Kalon's suit/shoes/no socks combo.)

*"I think he's genuine." -Emily about Kalon. Negative. Why do they never see the villain for who they really are?

*"I love it when you talk, but I wish you'd let me finish." -Kalon. Ok, first of all, literally seconds before, we were mentioning how HE never let HER finish anything; secondly, you're a condescending (thanks, Emily, that's the perfect word) control freak; and third of all, you best man up and respect a woman. You are not all that. Truly. I hope all the single women where he's from are watching this.

*Michelle C: "This is the nicest he will ever be to her in their relationship, so that is a giant red flag." Truth.

*Ohhhhhhhhhhh. Keep digging your hole. Let her think you don't want anything to do with Ricki since she's not "yours." She'll love it.

*He named the egg Shelly? I don't know his name, but I know his egg's.

*Never thought that'd be something I'd say.

*Alessandro's hair is awful. Welcome Ben of the season. It was also most definitely curled with an iron.

*Having kids is a compromise? You're out!

*What's with Emily's boots? And SUPER unflattering dress? Nice to know there's something she doesn't look smokin' in.

*How was he not expecting to be sent home after saying all that?

*I wish they showed what she said to kick him out.

*Exit Ben of the season.

*Someone clean up the mess!

*Aaaaaaaaand Enter Arie. Of course. He's superman.

**Perfect. I meant perfect. And Emily thinks so too, because she is the one initiating allllllll those kisses!

*And Ryan gets the jealousy award, AND the shallowness award for not realizing that connections come from more than just trying to be charming. And the obnoxious award for thinking you're better than everyone. How are he and Kalon not fighting yet? They can't both be best.

*"I don't want to get ahead of myself..." -Sean. Which is a guarantee that you're about to.

*Those kisses were not nearly as good. Shame.

*No surprises on the rose ceremony, but thank goodness Bad Facial Hair is going home. That half goatee wasn't doing you any favors. But I don't like how smug Kalon is.

*Ryan is losing even more points, FAST. Just because you're "good at everything you do," (you were good at getting awards a second ago) doesn't mean everywomanever is going to fall for you. Also, it's still not a game. Also, you're very rude and shallow. Are you going home yet?

*There's overseas dates already??? It seems so early!

*Five bucks that the song Kokomo by the Beach Boys makes an appearance next week.

EDIT: Apparently Alessandro did other things to convince Emily to kick him to the curb. Here's her blog: http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20599218,00.html .  There was definitely more going on beneath the surface that made him a weirdo. And it explained the boots/dress combo.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Body Issues

I have always had some kinds of body issues, but to be honest, you'd be hard-pressed to find an American woman who hasn't. Only over the past couple years and living with other females (even going to hair school, because that many women in one place help you see what real-world women look like) have I realized that every woman has a different shape, and that I have actually been pretty lucky to have the body that I have. As in relatively healthy (besides freak accidents), I'm young enough that I can still pretty much eat what I want, etc. And I've come to learn that curves are going to be a part of my body, no matter what I do. It's how I'm built. I. Will. Always. Be. Curvy.

These realizations obviously didn't come in a day, and even after I'd realized some of it, it didn't make me like it any more. It didn't mean I wanted to be that curvy girl woman. That has also taken time, and I'm for sure not close to being there.

But what I want to share is something that happened in the recent present. I was with a friend of mine who is in fabulous shape, even after having a child. I've always been jealous of how skinny she is, wishing I had the endurance to work out hard enough to be that small. I've always envied my stick-skinny friends, wishing I could be that girl. No matter who tells me I'm beautiful, no matter how many times, I can try to believe them - until I see that girl who is tiny and beautiful. Especially if it's effortless. And I get sad.

I don't get it entirely, either, because I can look at my curvy friends and see their beauty - so why not my own?

However, recently I've had some things happen that have helped my shifting focus speed up a little bit.

First, there's a site called Busty Girl Comics that truly made my week when my friend KJ told me about it. If you've ever had issues getting along with your breasts, A cup or DD, then this comic is for you! I was up for a very long time reading and laughing my way through it. I LOVE that the author makes somewhat light of a truly annoying situation - the curves on our body that really give us grief. And it made me feel not so alone in being shaped the way I am.

The other thing helping my image is being pregnant. And I've been showing a lot earlier than most women, and it's getting to me. Really. Part of me feels like, "It's ok because your body is going to round out and be awful for the next 16+ months, so just get used to it," and I'm trying to embrace that part of it. The other part of me is thinking, "Come on, fatty. Work out. Throwing up isn't THAT bad, plus it makes you lose more calories." (The second one is a lie. Throwing up is always sucky.)

Then I talked to this awesome woman I know and she reminded me, "You have to remember that this is basically your second pregnancy." And she's right. I didn't carry to term last time, but I DID have my abdomen sliced open less than a year ago and a quarter of my uterus is now gone because of it. I can't expect to be tiny in these conditions. Or show as late as everyone else. It is what it is. My body is different, for this and other reasons.

Ok, so these led up to some time well spent with the aforementioned very-skinny friend, and for the first time since I've known her, I looked at her body and appreciated its beauty, and...didn't envy her for it. I didn't want it. I appreciated what I had. And was glad for her to look so smokin', but I realized that it wasn't me. I was smokin' in my own way. I had a different bone structure and a different metabolism, and that's ok.

That is literally the first time in my life that's happened to me. To look at someone hotter than me, and not be envious.

I'm 25, folks.

It's nowhere near totally confident, but it's a start.

And now I look back to that day and think, "Man, I wish I was that skinny." And so the cycle continues.

Do any of you have these "Aha!" moments? I'd love to hear them and gain more perspective.

Monday, May 21, 2012

Not their best, but not their worst, either.

*"Are you excited about your date tonight?" -Emily's friend. I wish she would have been like, "nah."

*I love Chris H.'s speeches. "Take advantage of your time with Emily." In other words, let the fight begin.

*"This just got real." -A Contestant. Yes it did. Now that you said that.

*Mushroom farmer? Is he a dealer?

*He seems ok, kinda cocky but we'll give him a chance.

*You're expecting a plane ride, or hot air balloons? On your first date? Ok you're losing points.

*Although, I guess this IS the Bachelor.

*Groceries??! EMILY I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!

*"You don't go on the Bachelor thinking you'll be making cookies." -Ryan. Yes, but you don't go on the Bachelor for a hot air balloon ride, either.

*"Let's finish making these cookies so I can look like a man again." -Ryan. There is nothing sexier than a man helping in the kitchen. Man up.

*Where they getting all these cars?

*Oh my gosh. Groceries to a red-carpet greeting. And an empty restaurant.

*Ryan is contradicting himself at every turn and not being honest to answering her questions. I'm liking him less and less. He doesn't seem to get it. Or he's not being real.

*"Obviously I'd still be in control." -Emily. Obviously. She's a true woman.

*About the running/chase conversation: "As weird as that was, that was probably the most natural banter they had all night." -Rebekah H.

*Think she really does all her own makeup?

*"This is like the most kid-friendly Bachelor ever." -Breanne J.

*Stand up comedy would be the worst. That's a high-pressure situation.

*"What's going on?" -Emily. "Nothing, just wanted to come out and hang out with you for a little bit." -Charlie. That is a dirty lie!

*Did y'all see the big "Pay to the order of..." behind Charlie? The checks are getting ready!

*Kermit zips up Emily's dress. Best moment ever.

*HAHAHAHAHAHA. Chris Harrison as one of the old cranky men. This is better and better.

*Were those the best of stand up? Oh man.

*Nice hair, Miss Piggy! (During her talk show.)

*Did I just say that?

*"I find it hard to believe any of these guys will have that kind of connection." -Chris. Really? Have you ever watched this show?

*I like that Emily just puts it all out there, and asks hard questions.

*"I haven't noticed that you've been watching me." -Jef. Because you haven't been watching her either? Bad answer.

*"It's better than probably any conversation anyone's had with her." -Jef. Nope. No one's ever watched this show before.

*Kalon looks like a tool in his button up and sweater.

*"It seems like they'd rather spend time with each other than spend time with Emily." -Kalon. Well at least they're building friendships instead of sitting alone in a chair, being a d-bag.

*"I've never been confrontational." -Kalon. I'd hate to see what he thinks is "confrontational."

*"I didn't see anything special...[between Jef and Emily.]" -Chris. Well then obviously it wasn't there.

*Season's first plane ride!

*Joe seems real. I hope he gives some honest answers.

*"And I see...a beautiful, blond-haired girl." I think her name's Emily.

*The music sounds like the music they save for the proposal. Foreshadowing?

*These CARS! Vintage is the best so far. (Rebekah said it's a Rolls-Royce. Very nice!)

*The place is empty. Guesses on how much it took to rent out Greenbriar?

*These guys are really sticking up for each other. (Mostly.)

*We all wonder where Emily's money comes from, and I've guessed it's from Ricki's grandparents, her ex-fiance, and her job. But if this is where she spent time as a kid.....mystery solved.

*"In 5 years, I hope to be - well, if this works out, I'll pack up my bags and go where you are." -Joe. What part of this being the first date do people NOT understand while on this show? Jeez, even in Utah that's frowned on. At least wait for #2.

*I don't think I've ever seen someone not get a rose on the one-on-ones.

*Way to be classy, Joe. Leave in style.

*I guess the fireworks come whether they get the rose or not.

*So the music wasn't foreshadowing. Well played, ABC.

*He wants a good connection - good touch! Work it!

*NASCAR just won a ton of points, dating a girl with 2 kids. "You're so brave." -Emily

*Ryan v Tony - awkward. Do you have to stand there while she reads the note? Does she have to read the note right then? Where is the Bachelorette handbook?


*I just realized that Ryan and I have the same hairstyle.

*"Love in Christ, Ryan."

*Tony didn't complain right off, but instead made a joke. Way to make light of a really bad situation.

*"I left my son, at home..." -Tony. Oh, not on the streets?

*Oh, Emily feels like an old man, too.

*Kalon's looking at her like he's a hungry lion, and she's....a baby gazelle. (Name that movie and I'll give you a dollar.)

*Next week's is going to be a hum-DINGER!

*Also, I'm 14 weeks pregnant.

Ok! We'll see y'all soon!

Monday, May 14, 2012

THE Bachelorette

Guys, I can't even tell you how much I love Emily Maynard. It's unhealthy, and the closest I've come to a "celebrity" obsession since the Backstreet Boys. And I'm not ashamed. She is classy, fiery, open, honest, fierce, kind, beautiful, and pretty much my idol. I'll stop obsessing now, but at least you understand how emotionally invested I am in this season.

Yay Emily!

*"How you get so high?" Hope she's not still saying that in 7 years.

*Honey, everyone watching this episode knows your story. I hope this doesn't come up 17 more times during the season.

*"I found out I was pregnant and I couldn't have been happier." Betcha you could have been happier if the father was alive.

*I wonder if Brad is watching.

*I wonder if Brad will show up.

*Ah, we're bringing out the helicopters early this season, I see.

*The men have so much more personality than the women. Let's tally the random objects seen on night #1:
     -Giant egg (Ostrich?)
     -Bobble heads
     -A dirty plastic "glass" slipper
     -Spoiler Alert! Boom Box.

*Commercial comment on the Duets - How many singing/talent reality shows can we produce? Where are the trombone talent shows? Or the glass-blowing competition reality shows?

*Let's play count the fake plants. At least 15 on the front porch. Also - where did they find a house like this in Charlotte??

*Cheesy pickup line - check. Only took 10 minutes.

*Why does it show them all working out? And do they really all own dogs?

*LOL @ singer/songwriter.

*"Songwriting comes naturally, it's like walking for me." Yeah, it'd come naturally to anyone whose only lyrics are, "Emily! Emily! Emily! Emily! Emily!"

*Brain damaged contestant? Check.

*Salt Lake City resident? Check.
-He actually seems normal. Hurrah!

*Really, ABC? A racecar driver? I guess not EVERYONE knows Emily's story.

*Emily is freaking gorgeous.

*LOVE her dress!

*I know ABC chose her to sell to viewers, but they're almost pitching it like a family-friendly show with all this kid/parenting stuff.

*Why is tonight's show only an hour and a half? Isn't it usually like 3 for the first episode?

*I wonder how many times we'll see that circular skyscraper in Charlotte. It seems to have more character than I would have thought.

*Ah! A model! With that schnoz?

*He's retarded, so it's cool.

*Aww, she doesn't know Brazilians don't speak Spanish.

*Is this the Bachelor's first black contestant?

*Oh no, not a stereo. If Brad is watching, he's cringing, bad.

*Cross dresser? Check.

*"So cute" about Randy. I agree.

*Nametags are such a good idea. I don't know why they don't always wear them the first couple dates.

*Why do they call you "Wolf" is my first question.

*Alright - the egg gets explained.

*"[What you said in Spanish] better be nice!" -Emily. Here's the spitfire we've heard about.

*"If a guy comes out of that..." What else is going to come out, a tractor? "...then it's over." Ok. I'd like to see you walk out on night one. Over something retarded.

*"We hate him already." Alright, ladies. Calm down. (Sorry for being sexist.)

*She's going to be so conscientious about how they're feeling, being on the other side and everyone gets jealous - like she HATED watching Brad woo all these other girls. I wonder if that will affect their physical relationships.

*PS - I wonder what they'll do instead of Fantasy Suites, because she wouldn't even sleep with Brad on his FS - she's way too classy to sleep with 4 different men. Or if they'll just make it clear there's no hanky-panky going on.

*Bobble-head barbies. Nice.

*He's just swingin' with the egg. NBD.

*Finally! Utah (Jef) seems super normal!

*"I think Jef's cool, and I hope he thinks I'm cool too." -Emily. Holy flashback to middle school.

*Ok Kalon. You're bad news. Red flag #1: "I'm used to people being hostile towards me."

*I bet when they're lining up for the rose ceremony, she's back there reviewing names.

*Your heart was broken after one night? Bummer.

*Quote/moment of the night, and ironically, it was the last. The model as he takes off his shirt: "I guess this is what she's missing out on."