Monday, March 12, 2012

I need to develop a filter.

*Aww, Ben gets teary eyed with his family. If I cared about him at all, it would be touching.

*I'm good at reading women." -Ben's Sister. America will be the judge of that.

*"You need to be weary of the girl that doesn't get along with the other girls. That's a red flag." -Sister. (YES!) "That's what I need to figure out." -Ben. Uhhhhhhhhh if you don't know by now....there is no hope.

*But we knew that already.

*Man, Switzerland is beautiful.

*Lindzi neeeeeeds a hairband.

*"I'm a little different." -Lindzi. Not a good first impression move. Turn it to the positive.

*Uh-oh. Awkward music.

*Please. There's not just one "magic ingredient." What a crappy get-to-know-why-she's-in-love-with-your-son question.

*You went on the Bachelor for a good story? The producers are pissed right now.

*But maybe not 'cause why did they air that?

*I can't wait to see what Sister thinks of Courtney when she meets her.

*Good for Lindzi for not gossiping about Courtney.

*"I feel very relaxed right now." -Sister. Do you see that empty wine glass in your hand?

*Also, you're wearing a blanket. (Michelle)

*Ah! Her name is Jewel. Or that's her nickname.

*Where is she walking to?

*"She could definitely fit into the family." -Jewel. Yes. All three of you. I want the next Bachelor/ette to be Mormon. Try fitting in to 17 other people.

*"She's a model?" -Jewel. hahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahha

*"I don't think that the Courtney that interacted in the house is the real Courtney." -Ben. Soooooooo you think that the relaxed, day-in and day-out Courtney isn't the real Courtney? That she wasn't herself when hard things came up? That's when she's MOST herself. You think she was "real" because she was trying impress you the whole time? You're a dumbass.

*The sister dressed up nicer for Courtney 'cause she's a model. (Chris)

*He's nervous because he loooooooves her.

*"I want my mom and sister not to pre-judge her." -Ben. Too late. Also, you gave away the game.

*Good way to open. Talk about how no one liked you.

*"I gave up on liking people." -Courtney

*OH JULIA. Enunciate Ben!

*"I'm mean when I fall in love." -Courtney

*At least she's being honest. Kind of.

*So much of what she said brings up even more red flags. I hope Sister isn't falling for it.

*It IS too good to be true. Because he's going to dump you.

*They fell for it. Can't say I'm surprised.

*I've heard that Ben has always said love should be a slow burn. Then he just said with Lindzi is a slow burn. And he'll still pick Courtney. WTF?

*Depth with Courtney? ehhhhhhh

*It must be hard for Ben to be so romantic with Lindzi when he knows he's proposing to Courtney.

*The lengths this show goes through to make the mundane "romantic" is beyond ridiculous. Disney isn't unrealistic expectations. The Bachelor is.

*We're all talking during Lindzi's segment. Man we just don't care.

*Let's go to the park....I wanna kiss you underneath the stars....Maybe we'll go too far...we just don't care, we just don't care. Name that song. No Googling.

*"He's so sincere." -Lindzi. Man is she eating her words now.

*200% vulnerable.

*"As much as I want to tell her [I love her], I don't think it's fair." -Ben. WHERE WAS FAIR WHEN YOU WERE SKINNY DIPPING WITH COURTNEY?!?!?!?!?! How many times can I say "He's an a**hole?"

*"Something I like about Ben is that he has depth. Something I haven't seen in Lindzi." -Courtney. And she's still being mean.

*"Flying in the helicopter with Courtney is one of the top 10 coolest things I've ever done." -Ben. "It would be the top 1 if he hadn't already done so many rides in helicopters." -Michelle

*"I hope our relationship is progressing to new heights." -Ben. Do I even need to say it?

*"Bet they don't go skinny dipping there." -Chris

*The stamp of approval is what tells you it's perfect? Hmm.

*Isn't it funny that the final two end up being so different?

*"There's a lot on my mind." -Ben. Like, "When will I get to see Courtney naked again?"

*How come Ben gets ABC to set everything up but the girls have to do everything on their own? #sexist

*Dude it would suck to feel like you're falling in love with someone and they're not allowed to say anything back to hint their feelings. Fo' realz.

*"I have a pattern with men that they keep taking and taking and give nothing in return." -Courtney. That's because you give so freely. You're just so generous.

*Blakeley's gonna be pissed if it's a scrapbook.

*Blakeley's pissed.

*Have they done scrapbooks as gifts before?

*"I've been defending myself...It makes me defensive!" -Courtney

*"To have some perspective from women that I actually trust." -Ben

*She couldn't say the whole word "honest." Just saying.

*"Is he going to the church to pray about his decision?" -Breanne

*Ahhhhh flashbacks with the fuzzy/too bright screen.

*"If you can get through these hurdles, I feel like you can go through anything together." -Ben. What hurdles!?? Airport security??! YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH NOTHING!

*Why am I so angry this episode?

*Neil Lane's diamonds must be flawless because his rings are not pretty enough to be as expensive as they are.

*You know what I wish they had in Switzerland? Cars.

*(Get it? 'Cause they have to ride the helicopter everywhere.)

*Heavy makeup strikes again!

*Ben! You know what this is like! Stop her talking so she's not humiliated!

*"You're what I've looked for in a woman my entire life." -Ben. You are awful. So mean.

*His sigh = she knows he's dumping her.

*"It didn't come easy." -Ben. That's funny, 'cause I bet it's super easy for her right now. So no worries. Let her feel sorry for you.

*She's heartbroken, and probably freezing. Where her cloak at?

*"And if things don't work out, call me?" -Lindzi. "'Cause you want to be that girl." -Danny

*"It's difficult to think about proposing to one woman when I still have feelings for another woman." -Ben. Then don't propose.

*Leather gloves. To the batcave!

*They do make a cute couple.

*But????

*MAN! What a trickster!

*Yow-wow!

*Awww. Let's see how long this forever lasts.

*I hate "Oh My Dad."

*They seem so insincere. Does anyone else see that? It just doesn't seem real to me.

*Danny pointed out that they just don't seem excited. Yep.

After The Final Rose!

*OMG. How fake is it if they re-propose on ATFR? I felt like that on Brad and Emily's too.

*Speak openly. 'Cause when is anyone not completely open on national television?

*I can't tell if his hair is better or worse this way.

*"I did listen to the women." -Ben. Hahahahahahahahahahahaha.

*Of course they never gave specific examples. After what happened with Emily, who would come out and be honest with you?

*"I wish she would have made it easier on me." -Ben. 'Cause that's what it's about. Not about feelings not being hurt, or her being a mean-spirited person. But let's make it about being easy for you.

*I love when Chris Harrison roasts.

*"When is the Bachelor/ette going to learn not to watch?" -Danny

*If Ben swears on his father's grave, I kinda believe him. It's easy to believe, throughout the season, that he takes his father very seriously.

*That's kinda sweet....and funny. That she'd try on wedding dresses when everyone's hating on Ben. I'm surprised ABC would let her do that.

*What the shiny dress?

*Were people booing??

*"Usually there's thunderous applause when the girl comes out!" -Chris Harrison. Man, he does not mince words. Talk about not sugar coating things. Wouldn't it be great if he were the Bachelor?

*Sass? You call what you have, "sass?"

*It's an unnatural situation in that it's exaggerated. It's not unusual to live with other girls.

*It's like Harrison is trying to keep them broken up.

*I think his hair is better.

*"We're engaged." -Ben. Well I guess we know what he's going to do with that ring Chris "has been carrying around all day."

*Man, they both do terribly in new, difficult situations.

*Her makeup looks so good!

*"Want" and "will" are two very different things. At least he's being honest. But he doesn't seem in it to win it.

*"It's not how I operate in real life." -Ben. The last few months were just a fairytale land. Thanks for clearing that up.

*Let's show the proposal, so that we can be more touched when he re-proposes on national tv....This show is so gay.

*And I can't stop watching.

*As Michelle said, "This show sucks. ....Turn it up a little."

*She truly does love him. That's pretty obvious.

*It was you and me against the world! That's what you said, that's what you said. If you can't be honest with me, then I'm afraid this is the end!

*"It wasn't something wrong with us, it was wrong with everything out there." -Ben. I guess marriage is screwed when Armageddon comes.

*"Do you think this will end in a wedding? Truly?" -Harrison. Valid question, but maybe not best asked on national television right after he gave her the ring again. "Nah. Prolly not."

I never watched Ashley's season, so this doesn't interest me so much.

Well. Praise the Lord that season is over.

*Wait. What!? Getting married while pregnant is romantic?!

*Awwww. Chris Harrison is going to marry them!

*Oh good. More Hollywood unique baby names.

*Harrison is so much more relaxed and....likes them so much more than Ben and Courtney. He was so stiff with them.

Ok. For real. It's over.

Until the Bachelorette!

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

The Home Stretch

Wahoo! Women, tell all!

This post is kinda boring. Just like the episode. I don't blame you if you skip it.

*Oh good! A ghosts of Bachelors past! If I knew anyone, I'd be way more excited about this.

*Ooh they put them in order from who went first to last.

*Ah remember Jamie's kissing lesson? She had to do it, then watch it on national television, and THEN again on WTA! Poor thing. At least she's laughing.

*If Blakeley has has her guard up, and that causes bad situations, and that's why you had your guard up? Catch 22

*I don't remember Samantha at all. Why is she suddenly at the forefront?

*Who IS she?

*I don't understand why they're so mad about how Shawntel came in? What's she going to do, introduce herself and say, "I'm here for Ben! See ya!"

*"I don't have tiny thighs." It's not about the thighs.

*Emily's dress is about to slide right off.

*I hate how they always use words like, "journey" and "thing" instead of what it is. A relationship.

*I like Emily a lot.

*Oh I lied. Nicki came home after Kacie, but she's in front of her in seating.

*Oh man I missed the beginning of that episode of Ben in all white! Too bad.

*"I knew there was a risk, but I didn't know the risk was being this hurt." -Nicki. What else was the risk?

*I'm just sitting here, snacking on pepperoni. I love pepperoni!

*Jenna's hair is super long!

*Why do we have to watch all these recaps? WE'VE SEEN IT ALREADY.

*Nobody cares about Ben anymore, Chris. Stop bringing him up.

*"You were THE friend in the house." The one and only friend. Of Courtney.

*These girls on the second row are showing America their hoo-has.

*Say what you will about Courtney, her eyebrows are perfect.

*Now I will say what I want about Courtney. I think her apology was sincere....enough. I think she knows that she hurt the girls, but I think it's a cross between, "I'm sorry I hurt them," and, "I'm sorry I'm getting all this backlash from it." I think she does think she's above them to an extent, where she thinks her reasons for being insecure and acting how she did trumps their feelings of hurt about what she did. But for her to have even gone on the show is unprecedented (as far as I know), and she knew she would be getting fired at. That takes balls, and at least a little regret. However, I do understand why the girls have such a hard time forgiving her. All they knew was her being rude to them all the time, whereas I've had a couple weeks to watch her "change," and start giving her a second chance.

*Then again, what I think really doesn't matter.

*But if you're still reading, you care at least a little.

*I can't wait for these girls to rip on Ben.

*Jennifer has the most rocking fire-engine red hair I've ever seen. She blows it out of the water.

*Nicki hasn't met a lot of great men if Ben is the best one she's ever known.

*I guess Ben just likes to be naked.

*Why didn't they bring up skinny dipping?!!?? The hell??

*Ben looks at Chris when he's talking about "Who'd he pick?" with unease. I don't think he's still with Courtney - I mean, whoever he picks.

*Courtney was wearing a ton of makeup the first night, compared to what she wore for the rest of the season.

*I wonder where they buy their roses from?

*So, Emily M is the next Bachelorette, and we knew even when applications were still being accepted for the men. Is this the first time that's ever happened? I thought that was always a secret.

On the Ellen show, Ben said, "I wish there had been a mole telling me about Courtney." Umm, now that we've seen all the episodes, he's been warned about her on four separate occasions! Not even taking responsibility.

Is the After the Final Rose immediately after the show next week?