Thursday, June 30, 2011

How Insensitive

Ok, I'm sorry. I realize that to announce a surgery and then completely disregard it in my following post was a little rude. I didn't mean it. I just figured that since I already talk about it so much, the vibes were getting sent through the airwaves and on to y' Ok. Well, sorry.

The surgery ended up being rescheduled to Friday, because they were going to try to cut me open from the inside through something, and an ultrasound was involved and another specialist doctor....well they couldn't do it Tuesday, and so Friday, we got up at 4:30 AM, packed according to the numerous instructions about what to/not to bring. And wouldn't you know it, when we walked into the reception area at 5:50 AM, I realized I had forgotten my insurance card. After being told about 400 times that I needed that and an ID. Talk about losing it. Luckily, by this time, about every office in the hospital had my info, so it wasn't a big deal until I realized I couldn't leave the hospital with the painkillers without the card. I sent someone to break into my house and bring it up, so THANK GOODNESS for good friends and extra keys.

Then another surprise came, it was like my birthday all weekend! They reverted to doing the original surgery they had scheduled in the first place. SURPRISE! We just wanted to leave you hanging for 4 days and nothing to do, just to be dandy. Their reasons were valid (too many blood vessels in the area, they want to be able to resolve any problems quickly, yatta yatta yatta), but we were a little irked nonetheless. But I should be positive, so - no worries, it just ended up meaning that Chris missed less work, and that's a blessing, ya?

As far as they know so far, the surgery went well. All I remember is that wonderful doctor putting me under (I love the feel of being anesthetized), then waking up periodically and saying "It hurts!! It hurts!!" And scratching my face a lot. And the nurses saying that everyone was scratching their face a lot. Who knew it made you itchy?

I have a doctor's appointment Friday; they'll take my blood levels and take out my staples and see how I'm doing overall, and we'll know if the procedure worked the way it was supposed to. I promise I'll update then.

Still to come:

Why I now am obligated to vote for Jon Huntsman for president

The Fear of more birth (fake babies may be involved)

Why, if you get cancer, you need to get it in Utah

and much, much more!

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Shouldn't Chemo = Weight Loss?

My friend Liz and I went on a gym date, and I told her I wanted to weigh myself, because I think the treatments are making me lose weight.

She stepped on the scale first, and when the number stopped, she held out three fingers to me.

"Three pounds lost??" I asked.

"Yep!!!" She was so excited.

Well, now it was my turn, snitches. And I'm all thinking that was a good omen, but when I step on and show HER the number 3, I have to say "Gained!" to clarify.

I mean, COME ON! It's almost like chemo isn't good for you!

If I can’t trust that, what can I trust???

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Surgery Tuesday

I am getting surgery on Tuesday, and literally all I care about is that I am done with that mothertrucking chemo!! I made the doctor say those words to me, and I haven't felt so light in a long time.

I had to go to the doctor (surprise, surprise) because my side effects have been pretty bad, when really they should be non-existent. They ordered a CT scan, and I got to drink watered down chalk to contrast my insides. No seriously. Like two 20-oz bottles of it. Chris had to almost force it down my throat, and I threw up 3 times while taking it because I was already nauseous. So I asked Mr. Receptionist if there was ANY other way.

"Uh-huh, but you're not gonna want to do it. Trust me."

No, sir. You trust me. If you make me drink this, I will aim my next upchuck at your face. Would you like to accept?

But then the fun part, when the put in an IV and flushed in something that heated up everything up and down my spine. It totally made me feel like I was peeing myself, and I didn't even have to feel guilty, 'cause I hadn't done it! What a great day.

Then to the Good Doc, and he said they found a penny sized tumor that we'll be removing on Tuesday. Option #2 was a hysterectomy. Um, doctor, I'm 24. Guess if I want one of those.

AND I got to have an MRI! It's one of those giant tubes, and I got to listen to Pandora and relax the whole time. Plus, the noise from the machine accentuated my music, so I was listening to the remixed version of "Stand By Me," which spiced things up.

We've calculated that I would now be at the beginning of month 7 of my pregnancy, so if you think about it, I'm just getting an early C-section to take out the "baby," and now all we need is a name! Chris's vote is for Penelope because the tumor is penny-sized. What do you think we should name the baby tumor?

Just out of curiosity, would you rather have surgery or chemotherapy?

Saturday, June 11, 2011

You guys know what a Slap Chop is?

Oh, there it is. In all its food-chopping beauty! Technically, this is a Pampered Chef Food Chopper, but I'm gonna call it a Slap Chop for convenience's (and humor's) sake. The PC one is classier (and it's the one I own, therefore the one I think of), but the Slap Chop is easier to say, and has a sweet commercial.

I've been thinking about the Slap Chop today because I think someone took one to my abdomen, watched the ad for the food chopper, and tried to think of all the things they could dice inside of me. And....Action! And I'm thinkin....that's gotta stop. Preferably, before my stomach turns into a mushy pulp. First of all, it's not part of the intended use of the Slap Chop; second of all, I can think of a bunch of other ways the Slap Chop can be used more easily and efficiently. Let's list them.
  1. You know how breakfast food is already delicious? Mmm, some fresh orange juice, bacon, and some fluffy chocolate chip pancakes. I think it's vital to add chocolate to anything you possibly can. Wait! Also add: Slap chop, strawberries and whipped cream, and Voila! You have the most delicious breakfast ever. Added bonus, the Slap Chop in this instance helps you feel better, not shredded.
  2. My sister-in-law taught me how to make the most delicious salsa in the world. Ask anyone who's tried it. It has beans, tomatoes, onions, olive oil, and anything else that can make you gassy. It's worth every.....fluff. But my favorite part is the cilantro! So how do you get the cilantro small enough, you ask? Put it in the Slap Chop, of course! Yet again, you have delicious food IN your tummy, not threatening to come OUT of your tummy.
  3. Let's not forget about old pictures from my awkward phase of teenagerdom, where my unkepmt hair - never would I ever have guessed I'd be a hairstylist - huge glasses and hand-me-down clothes were in their full glory. (Oops, almost wrote "gory." Same thing.) The only thing missing were the braces. And the fact that....what? You haven't seen them? Oh, I remember. I put them all in the Slap Chop and cut them to shreds. Then burned them. Your eyes can go ahead and thank me.
  4. Let's play If I Were Tangible, and add to the mix my boss's ideas of how to treat employees, and switch it with, say, Willy Wonka's. You mean, I get to live in a candyland, eat all the chocolate I want AND sing songs all day? No. Duh.
  5. Ooooh! I have another one. The Slap Chop could be used to take my dinner, chop it up small enough to feed my baby who, in a year, would have been old enough to eat foods of this nature.
"Onions, with the skin. Alright? This is making you cry, it's making me cry. Life's hard enough as it is. You don't want to cry anymore." -The Slap Chop Guy

Well said, Vince. Well said.

What other uses can you think of?

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

What's a proper thank you for a really generous person?

How do you adequately thank someone who just saved you $600 in medical bills, just 'cause she's never heard of a case as bad as yours in the hundreds of molar pregnancies she's dealt with?

I'm super bad at writing thank yous, and even worse at sending them when I do write them. I just prefer to show my gratitude in paying it back through friendship somehow. But this lady, I might never see again. So brainstorm with me.

I should also say, that with everything that's been happening, yeah it's been hard, but I keep saying that so long as everything's taken care of financially, I don't even care what else happens.

....looks like I have another reason to be truly grateful tonight.

*Hint on gift ideas: She has a prosthetic foot. Maybe I could get her some nail polish?

Monday, June 6, 2011

What to do when: a friend has the misfortune of going through chemotherapy

In my last post, I mentioned that now I have a better understanding of how to deal with chemotherapy, and some of you asked what they can do if they have a friend going through the same thing. I should say first that these are all specific to me. While some of them can be transposed, I just want to make sure that if you try this on a friend of yours and she throws you off a cliff for it (and if she is that strong with cancer, YOU GO GIRL!), just….don’t let it come back to me.
That being said, this is not me asking for a handout. Most of these are things that someone has already helped me with, and things I am thinking theoretically, not trying to hint at for everyone to start doing this for me. I’m being very well taken care of! But I’m always accepting chocolate.
  • “Chemotherapy” is basically synonymous with “constant nausea.” If you can, find out what foods help with chemo specifically, and bring some over. Popular choices are: popsicles (something about chemo sickness beginning with the roof of your mouth – the cold numbs it, and it seriously works), ginger ale, sour patch kids, jolly ranchers, as well as any food you know they like anyway. ‘Cause when the nausea goes away, they are going to be on that like a rainbow on Skittles.
  • If you know they’ll have some time off and to themselves, maybe offer to stop by with an activity or treat or something. Then, they can feel like you want to see them; they know they can tell you “no” if it’s not a huge thing and they want to be alone; it gives you something to do instead of asking them how they are feeling. It’s a win-win-win situation!
  • Just be honest. If you don’t know what to say or what to do, tell them that. Then you’re not trying to fake anything but still suggesting that you’re open to help however you can, and they can choose how they want you too! Lots of times it’s just friendship.
  • Drop by their house, work, etc, even just to say hi for a few minutes. This would be great for all friendships, but especially for those going through so much pain.
  • Also, if you can get them talking, just listen. It’s easy to feel alone, especially when none of your friends have gone through something like this. Let them express themselves and really try to just understand what they’re saying and possibly going through. I personally just want to feel validated and know that people don’t think I’m just a big whiner and faker. Which, if you read my last few consecutive posts, that’s exactly how I sound. It’s the chemo talking?
  • When they start losing their hair, I think it’s only fair that their best friends, close family, church leaders, professors, doctors, children, pets and ESPECIALLY their enemies should also have to shave their heads. It’s the only fair thing to do. Wouldn’t you agree, Alison?