Tuesday, May 31, 2011

My Oncologist is a dirty liar

Pppppfffffffffffffffffffbbbbbbttttttt.

That's exactly how I feel.

'Cause my HCG levels went up, so my body is becoming resistant to the methotrexate which means we had to switch my treatment to something called adh gaoweoif...ok wait. I think I got that wrong. It's...wag8a;kjnapc. Yes, that's an 8. It's in there somewhere....no? Ok ok I think I remembered. Actinomycin-d/dactinomycin. Looks just as suspect, huh? I don't think it's a word either, probably because they accidentally left they "ay" off when they made the word into Pig-Latin. Come on, guys. It's-hay e-thay easiest-hay of-hay e-thay anguages-lay o-tay emember-ray.

So I get to sit there with a vein in my arm for 45 minutes, and 30 of those I will not even complain about because they're just stuffing me full of anti-nausea meds. Someone needs to call the guy who invented those and give him a gold star. Those things are ah-may-zing. But the other 15? I can't even talk about in person because I get too nauseous. BUT the doctor said (shouldn't he be right??!!) this drug would have little/no side effects, so it's really no big deal.

Of course I challenge him, because I still don't fully understand that he is there to help me, not just to heckle us for cheering for his rival college. Dude - not my problem Mr. Huntsman decided to donate to the U instead of the Y. I'm just here for the chemo. I reminded him that he said the other stuff wasn't supposed to have side effects either. That obviously didn't work, so I just expected to have the same side effects, only more intense since this stuff is stronger. And, it happened just like that. Saturday I was sick all day in bed, and it ever so slightly lessens up as the days go on. But this one's every two weeks, so I better count my blessings.

Oh, what's that? I might lose some of my hair? To be frank, I looked up his salary the night before because I found out it was posted online (who doesn't want to know how much their doctor makes?), and while I didn't mention that, I did tell him that if I lost my hair, he was personally buying me a wig.

Did I mention he's almost completely bald on top? "Well, you don't see me complaining!" he replies.

Dang it, Doc. You got me there.

I will say the one thing I am somewhat sad about, is that now that I know what this is like (a big hell-hole, if you can't read between the lines. No, just read the lines. Pretty sure I've said it more than once), I wish I had understood how to help my dad when he was going through chemo. I have some friends who are being so fabulous to me right now, I actually cried when one of them dropped off anti-nausea foods to me the other day. I know I wasn't that good to my dad when he had to deal with all this, but maybe I can pay it forward to someone in the future.

So long as it's not my child. Or my husband. At-thay ould-way uck-say. Igtime-bay.

6 comments:

  1. i love you. a million times.

    p.s. could you share what we can do to help other people we know going through chemo?

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  2. 'cause i wish i could do something for you.

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  3. Rosie, you are so strong. And your balding doctor should DEFINITELY pay for a wig, should it come to that :)

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  4. Rosanne, I am so sorry you are going through all of this! I hadn't checked your blog in awhile with being huge and prego then having a baby! Once baby gets older I would love tosee you! What can I personally do to help you? I tried calling about a month ago but it went to voicemail both times??! Didn't know if I had the right number.

    You are totally in my prayers girl frand- until then keep it real and continue posting- writing is therapeutic.

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  5. Goodness Rosanne! I hope you get a break from all this sickness soon! I wish I could do something! Come live in Ohio and I will take care of you! I will pray and fast for you! Hope you can get past this soon!

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  6. This is really insightful. I agree with Emilia. I would love if you would post about how to pay it forward.

    I must admit I was clueless with my dad too. Thanks for the great post.

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