That's exactly how I feel.
'Cause my HCG levels went up, so my body is becoming resistant to the methotrexate which means we had to switch my treatment to something called adh gaoweoif...ok wait. I think I got that wrong. It's...wag8a;kjnapc. Yes, that's an 8. It's in there somewhere....no? Ok ok I think I remembered. Actinomycin-d/dactinomycin. Looks just as suspect, huh? I don't think it's a word either, probably because they accidentally left they "ay" off when they made the word into Pig-Latin. Come on, guys. It's-hay e-thay easiest-hay of-hay e-thay anguages-lay o-tay emember-ray.
So I get to sit there with a vein in my arm for 45 minutes, and 30 of those I will not even complain about because they're just stuffing me full of anti-nausea meds. Someone needs to call the guy who invented those and give him a gold star. Those things are ah-may-zing. But the other 15? I can't even talk about in person because I get too nauseous. BUT the doctor said (shouldn't he be right??!!) this drug would have little/no side effects, so it's really no big deal.
Of course I challenge him, because I still don't fully understand that he is there to help me, not just to heckle us for cheering for his rival college. Dude - not my problem Mr. Huntsman decided to donate to the U instead of the Y. I'm just here for the chemo. I reminded him that he said the other stuff wasn't supposed to have side effects either. That obviously didn't work, so I just expected to have the same side effects, only more intense since this stuff is stronger. And, it happened just like that. Saturday I was sick all day in bed, and it ever so slightly lessens up as the days go on. But this one's every two weeks, so I better count my blessings.
Oh, what's that? I might lose some of my hair? To be frank, I looked up his salary the night before because I found out it was posted online (who doesn't want to know how much their doctor makes?), and while I didn't mention that, I did tell him that if I lost my hair, he was personally buying me a wig.
Did I mention he's almost completely bald on top? "Well, you don't see me complaining!" he replies.
Dang it, Doc. You got me there.
I will say the one thing I am somewhat sad about, is that now that I know what this is like (a big hell-hole, if you can't read between the lines. No, just read the lines. Pretty sure I've said it more than once), I wish I had understood how to help my dad when he was going through chemo. I have some friends who are being so fabulous to me right now, I actually cried when one of them dropped off anti-nausea foods to me the other day. I know I wasn't that good to my dad when he had to deal with all this, but maybe I can pay it forward to someone in the future.
So long as it's not my child. Or my husband. At-thay ould-way uck-say. Igtime-bay.