Friday, September 26, 2008

I hope I am hallucinating

I'm sitting here, 2 AM, just finishing up some homework, you know? Nothing big except that I'm tired - can I hear a "yea, verily!" and have had a very long week. I want to go to bed. Well, I see something scurry across the floor and it's probably my imagination, right? But earlier I saw a large spider get away in apartment 9 and I'm not about to let something that retarded (sorry, God, that's one creation I am working on accepting) run amuck in my apartment. So I keep my eyes on the area of suspect and suddenly, a mouse crawls across the floor. Chomping on some cute bits of food that have undoubtedly been there for weeks because not one of us has time to clean. We had mice once in the duplex in Missouri, not on purpose, mind you, and I don't know whether or not to freak out, but I'm going to just a little bit because is it acceptable to be chill with a rodent living in your heater closet? We didn't catch it, but we taped off the space betwixt the door and the floor and so hopefully it won't at least come out anymore.

There is a scripture Claire showed me in the temple that now hangs in my room because it is so ridiculously helpful. I read a particular part that stuck out to me - you know how that happens, different things mean more or less depending on the time you read it, what your context is, etc. This particular line is in the Doctrine and Covenants, and it says "And he who receiveth all things with thankfulness shall be made glorious." Well, friends, I don't think God only meant our blessings, but those things which are hard for us. ALL things. Even - especially? - the ones we see no purpose in and wonder why the world they had to happen. Grateful? For pain? And then when things just keep on piling up when you absolutely expect that everything else should at least stay together, and it doesn' grateful. And I am. Today something happened that could potentially change the rest of my life, and when I heard, I had a mini freak out for a split second and then it was gone, and I was at complete peace. It may be because it's intense enough that alone, I could have had a real breakdown, and on top of everything but more likely I believe it was Heavenly Father just telling me it's okay. It's okay. And it is the first trial I have ever had where it happens, and I don't really let it hit me and I give it straight to God, because it's way beyond my power to handle. It's a matter of faith that the decisions I have made were definitely okay-ed by Him, and just to keep going. I feel really good about it. And I can still see so many blessings in my life it's ridiculous. The rest of that scripture BTW is section 78:17-19. It's so good. God is so good.

Also because my friend in Mexico, Alison, called me today. From Mexico. Because she is the, and knows when it needs to be Alison Time, and when it needs to be Rosanne Time. And Sunny called me yesterday, and that is a blessing I can't ever look past, the gift of friendship. Blessed, I say.

And now, an Ode to my Bed:
Oh, sleepy
How long hath thou waited for me?
Some nights, yea, some days have almost made me believe I wouldst not see thee
but still, through the long times, you waited
and waited
and stayed, Your Comfortableness, where I knew I could find you.
And I know if I need a cry, or a sleep at night, or even in the bright sunlight hours,
You are only too happy to accommodate me.
If I could only show thee how much joy thou hast given unto me,
alas, it is impossible
for I am perfectly in your debt,
and you cannot feel emotion anyway.
No more waiting, for now, I come to thee.

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